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The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. v.1

The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. v. 1
The given bar graphs show data on the British people’s full-time and part-time further education from 1970 to 1991. As is presented in the graphs, more men and women were studying full-time than part-time for the given period. Initially, in 1970 and 1971, about 1000 thousand male were in full-time further education and this number decreased to average 850 thousand for 1980 and 1990. On the contrary, this number for part-time students increased over the time though the number was many times lower than the number of people in full-time education. In 1970, almost 100 thousand people were in part-time education and in next 20 years, this number increased to 200 thousand. On the other hand, in 1970, the total number of females who were engaged in full-time education was 700 thousand and this number increased over time and reached to 11000 thousand in 1990/91 which was even higher than the number of males who were in full-time further education in this year. The female part-time students’ number also increased over time and reached to over 200 thousand in 1990 from the initial number of 20 thousand in 1970. In summary, females made progress over their male counterparts in terms of their involvement in full-time and part-time education in Britain for the given period.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graphs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
data on the British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s full-time and part-time
further
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education
from 1970 to 1991. As
is presented
in the graphs, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women were studying full-time than part-time for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.

Initially
, in 1970 and 1971, about 1000 thousand male were in full-time
further
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education
and this
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number
decreased to average 850 thousand for 1980 and 1990.
On the contrary
, this
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number
for part-time students
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increased
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over
the
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time
though the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
lower than the
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number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in full-time
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education
. In 1970, almost 100 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were in part-time
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education
and in
next
20 years, this
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number
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increased
to 200 thousand.
On the other hand
, in 1970, the total
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number
of females who
were engaged
in full-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
was 700 thousand and this
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number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and reached to 11000 thousand in 1990/91 which was even higher than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males who were in full-time
further
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in this year. The female part-time students’
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number
also
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increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and reached to
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over
200 thousand in 1990 from the initial
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number
of 20 thousand in 1970.

In summary, females made progress
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over
their male counterparts in terms of their involvement in full-time and part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in Britain for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of men and women (in thousand) in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
214 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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