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The bar shows men and women study full time and part time in three decades Summarizing the information by selecting and reporting the main featured and make comparison where relevant v.2

The bar shows men and women study full time and part time in three decades Summarizing the information by selecting and reporting the main featured and make comparison where relevant v. 2
The bar chart depicts the number of males and females engaged in further education in Britain. It shows whether they were studying full-time or part-time and is divided into three periods. Overall, the number of men and women studying part-time outnumbered those studying full-time by significant margin. While both modes were relatively similar between the sexes, there was some variance, especially in the 1990s when the number of women studying part-time increased substantially. With regards to full-time education, male students approximately doubled from around 100, 000 in 1970 to well over 200, 000 by the end of 1991. For women, the trajectory was less consistent rising sharply in the first decade and then tapering off to an almost identical level to that of men in the 1990s. The number of males engaged in part-time study over the three periods fluctuated, dropping from approximately, 1 million to 900, 000 over the three periods; meanwhile the females studying part-time steady increased from nearly 800, 000 in 1970 to well above 1 million in 1990-91.
The bar chart depicts the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males and females engaged in
further
education in Britain. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
whether they were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
full-time or part-time and
is divided
into three periods.

Overall
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
part-time outnumbered those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
full-time by significant margin. While both modes were
relatively
similar between the sexes, there was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
variance,
especially
in the 1990s when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
part-time increased
substantially
.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
full-time education, male students approximately doubled from around 100, 000 in 1970 to well over 200, 000 by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of 1991. For women, the trajectory was less consistent rising
sharply
in the
first
decade and then tapering off to an almost identical level to that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
in the 1990s.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of males engaged in part-time study over the three periods fluctuated, dropping from approximately, 1 million to 900, 000 over the three periods; meanwhile the females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studying
part-time steady increased from
nearly
800, 000 in 1970 to well above 1 million in 1990-91.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The bar shows men and women study full time and part time in three decades Summarizing the information by selecting and reporting the main featured and make comparison where relevant v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
172 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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