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The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australian's share of the Japanese tourist market. v.2

The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australian's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 2
The barb graph illustrates the information about the quantity of tourist travelling overseas in Japan from 1985 to 1995 and the units are measured in million while line graph demonstrates the Australian' s share in the Japan tourist market. Overall, the Japanese like travelling abroad is relatively increased in the given period and also the Australian proportion has some fluctuation but, It was relatively rose. Turn to the bar graph, the beginning of the time period, the number of travellers in travelling overseas was approximately 5 million which was the least proportion of the given period. When 1990, travellers of abroad in japan had been steadily climbed to more than 11 million After 1990, It was dropped town to nearest 10. 5 million. However, in 1995, it was represented as the greatest quantity of overseas tourists just under 16 million. Furthermore, according to the line graph, the Australian portion of the Japaneese errant market was sharply went up till 1988, after that, it was decreased to nearest 4%. Again, it had been increased slightly till 1994 which was the peaked year of the given time period and it was displayed more than 6 percent.
The barb
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
illustrates the information about the quantity of tourist travelling overseas in Japan from 1985 to 1995 and the units
are measured
in
Use "a million" or use a number before 'million'.
million
while line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
demonstrates the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Australian&
#039; s share in the Japan tourist market.

Overall
, the Japanese like travelling abroad is
relatively
increased in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
and
also
the Australian proportion has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fluctuation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, It was
relatively
Consider using a past participle here: "risen".
rose
.

Turn to the bar
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graph
, the beginning of the time
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period
, the number of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
in travelling overseas was approximately 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
which was the least proportion of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
. When 1990,
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
of abroad in japan had been
steadily
climbed to more than 11
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
After 1990, It
was dropped
town to nearest 10. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
million
.
However
, in 1995, it
was represented
as the greatest quantity of overseas tourists
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
under 16 million.

Furthermore
, according to the line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
graph
, the Australian portion of the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Japaneese
errant market was
sharply
Consider using a past participle here: "gone".
went
up till 1988, after that, it
was decreased
to nearest 4%. Again, it had
been increased
slightly
till 1994 which was the peaked year of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
and it
was displayed
more than 6 percent.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The chart below shows the number of Japanese tourists travelling abroad between 1985 and 1995 and Australian's share of the Japanese tourist market. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
194 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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