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The chart below shows the main reasons for university education among people of different age groups, based on a survey conducted in 2008, and the percentages of students who got support from their employers in this year. v.1

The chart below shows the main reasons for university education among people of different age groups, based on a survey conducted in 2008, and the percentages of students who got support from their employers in this year. v. 1
The graphs illustrate two main reasons for people from different age groups to pursue the university education and the ratio of tertiary pupils who got backings for their study from their employers. The data was taken from a survey carried out in 2008. Overall, younger people mostly studied in university for career preparation while it was personal interest for the people over 49 years old. Besides, younger people got more support from their employers than the aged people did. The first column graph reveals that eight out of ten university students below 26 years old studied for a better career. A same percentage of students, 70% to be exact, from 26 to 29 had the same reason for tertiary education. Interestingly, only around 10% of these students brought up ‘interests in study’ as a reason for their academic involvement. Pupils from 30 to 39 years also thought about the career while taking university courses. Interestingly, 40-49 age group was equally divided for their reasons to study – career and interest. Finally, 70% aged people studied due to their interests rather than jobs. Based on the second graph, university students got help from their employers basically in two forms – time off and sharing of tuition fee. It is worth noticing that young students got more support from their offices than the aged employees. Over 60% younger students received help from offices while 30 to 40% students from 30 plus age groups had been able to manage support from their employers.
The graphs illustrate two main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
for
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people
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
age groups to pursue the
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university
education and the ratio of tertiary pupils who
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got
backings for their study from their
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employers
. The data
was taken
from a survey carried out in 2008.
Overall
, younger
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people
mostly
studied in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
preparation while it was personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interest
for the
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people
over 49 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Besides
, younger
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people
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got
more support from their
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employers
than the aged
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people
did.

The
first
column graph reveals that eight out of ten
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university
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students
below 26 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
studied for a better
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career
. A same percentage of
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students
, 70% to be exact, from 26 to 29 had the same
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reason
for tertiary education.
Interestingly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
around 10% of these
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students
brought up
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‘interests
in study’ as a
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reason
for their academic involvement. Pupils from 30 to 39 years
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
career
while taking
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university
courses.
Interestingly
, 40-49 age group was
equally
divided for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
to study
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
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career
and
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interest
.
Finally
, 70% aged
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people
studied due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
interests
rather
than jobs.

Based on the second graph,
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university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
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got
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from their
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employers
basically
in two forms
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
time off and sharing of tuition fee. It is worth noticing that young
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
got
more support from their offices than the aged employees. Over 60% younger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
received
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from offices while 30 to 40%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from 30 plus age groups had been able to manage support from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the main reasons for university education among people of different age groups, based on a survey conducted in 2008, and the percentages of students who got support from their employers in this year. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
250 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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