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The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. v.2

The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. v. 2
The pie charts illustrate the ratio of sodium, saturated fats and added sugar in four average daily meals consumed by Americans. The percentages of these three nutrients in breakfast, lunch, dinner and snacks that American citizens generally consume are given and they are detrimental for health if consumed plenty in quantity. Overall, dinners and lunches that the USA residents consume are sodium and saturated fats rich while their snacks have a high portion of added sugar. In details, USA citizens' sodium, sugar and saturated fats intake during the breakfast is comparatively lower, around 14-16% each time. Intake of these nutrients is considerably higher in food items they eat during lunch and dinner. The lunch they eat comprises of 29% sodium, 26% saturated fats and nearly 20% sugar. They consume much higher percentages of these nutrients, which are harmful to health when eaten too much, while they heave their dinner. Their intake of sodium, saturated fats and sugar during dinner are 43%, 37% and 23% respectively. Finally, the snacks they enjoy contain high sugar and fats, 42% and 21%, respectively, and the sugar intake in snacks is higher than that of dinner and lunch.
The pie charts illustrate the ratio of sodium,
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in four average daily meals consumed by Americans. The percentages of these three nutrients in breakfast, lunch,
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dinner
and
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snacks
that American citizens
generally
consume are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
given and
they are detrimental for health if consumed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
in quantity.

Overall
,
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dinners
and lunches that the USA residents consume are sodium and
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saturated
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fats
rich while their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
have a high portion of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
sugar.

In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
, USA citizens' sodium,
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sugar
and
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saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
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intake
during the breakfast is
comparatively
lower, around 14-16% each time.
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Intake
of these nutrients is
considerably
higher in food items they eat during lunch and
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dinner
. The lunch they eat
Did you mean "comprises" or "consists of"?
comprises of
29% sodium, 26%
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saturated
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fats
and
nearly
20%
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sugar
. They consume much higher percentages of these nutrients, which are harmful to health when eaten too much, while they heave their
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dinner
. Their
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intake
of sodium,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saturated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
during
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
are 43%, 37% and 23%
respectively
.
Finally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
they enjoy contain high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fats
, 42% and 21%,
respectively
, and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
intake
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
snacks
is higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dinner
and lunch.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The charts below show the average percentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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