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It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree？ v.5

It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. ？ v. 5
Some people think that a nation should encourage all young people enter university to pursue academic studies. From my point of view, this tendency is advantageous but impractical. In terms of benefit, a high percentage of youngster attending tertiary education has these following points. First, young learners can achieve a qualification which can open the door to better employment prospects with higher salary. In addition, students want to take part in universities because they will have opportunities to learn from lecturers who are expert in their fields. For example, In Germany thanks to the free of charge university education system, the employment rate remains in low level. Second, the economy can benefit from a well-educated workforce who contribute to the sustainable development. People graduating from tertiary institutions may have better work productivity owing to knowledge gained from university. For instance, labor force in Finland in which university education system is open for every learner is evaluated as one of the most efficient worldwide. On the other hand, offering a massive number of university places in some countries is not feasible. Initially, personal financial may prevent some high school leavers from continuing university education. Not all individuals are capable of paying university tuition fee in several countries. For example, some nations in Africa having problems about security and starvation cannot focus on university education. Next, a high proportion of university attendance will lead to the shortage of educational facilities and infrastructure. Otherwise, efficiency in education and training cannot be guaranteed due to an excessiveness of learners. In conclusion, it is beneficial to support tertiary education but measures must be taken to solve feasibility related issues.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that a nation should encourage all young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
to pursue academic studies. From my point of view, this tendency is advantageous
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
impractical.

In terms of benefit, a high percentage of youngster attending tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has these following points.
First
, young learners can achieve a qualification which can open the door to better employment prospects with higher salary.
In addition
, students want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will have opportunities to learn from lecturers who are expert in their fields.
For example
, In Germany thanks to
The phrase 'the free of' is not correct. Use a noun, not an adjective, between 'the' and 'of'.
the free of
charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system, the employment rate remains in low level. Second, the economy can benefit from a well-educated workforce who contribute to the sustainable development.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
graduating from tertiary institutions may have better work productivity owing to knowledge gained from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
For instance
, labor force in Finland in which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system is open for every learner
is evaluated
as one of the most efficient worldwide.

On the other hand
, offering a massive number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
places in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries is not feasible.
Initially
, personal financial may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
school leavers
from continuing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
. Not all individuals are capable of paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
tuition fee in several countries.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations in Africa having problems about security and starvation cannot focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
Next
, a high proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
attendance will lead to the shortage of educational facilities and infrastructure.
Otherwise
, efficiency in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and training cannot
be guaranteed
due to an
Possible spelling mistake found.
excessiveness
of learners.

In conclusion
, it is beneficial to support tertiary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
measures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be taken
to solve feasibility related issues.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. ？ v. 5

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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