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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v.7

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 7
The bar chart compares the duration of time that men and women with different occupation statuses dedicated to leisure activities in a usual week based on an average between 1998 and 1999. A glance at the graph reveals that unemployed and retired people had more spare time to enjoy than that of others. The total time spent for leisure activities by jobless and retired men were very similar, 84 and 83 hours per week respectively, while women spent about 78 hours per week on both statuses. Full time employed men had about 44 hours free time weekly and women in this category had approximately 38 hours per week. Women who had a part-time job enjoyed 40 hours per week spending on pleasure pursuits. Housewives had  10 hours more, totalizing 50 hours a week for their recreational activities. No information regarding part-time employed and home staying men was given. It is clear that unemployed and retired people enjoyed far more free time for their recreational activities than others. In addition, an important fact to mention is that men had more available time to enjoy than women did.
The bar chart compares the duration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
that
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men
and
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women
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
occupation statuses dedicated to leisure
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activities
in a usual
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week
based on an average between 1998 and 1999. A glance at the graph reveals that unemployed and retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
had more spare
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time
to enjoy than that of others.

The total
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time
spent for leisure
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activities
by jobless and retired
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men
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
similar, 84 and 83
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hours
per
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week
respectively
, while
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women
spent about 78
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hours
per
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week
on both statuses. Full
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time
employed
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men
had about 44
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hours
free
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time
weekly and
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women
in this category had approximately 38
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hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
.
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Women
who had a part-time job enjoyed 40
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hours
per
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week
spending on pleasure pursuits. Housewives had
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
10
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hours
more, totalizing 50
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hours
a
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week
for their recreational
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activities
. No information regarding part-time employed and home staying
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men
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that unemployed and retired
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoyed far more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their recreational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
than others.
In addition
, an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fact to mention is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
had more available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to enjoy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
did.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 7

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
186 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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