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Eating sweet foods produces acid in the mouth, which can cause tooth decay. (High acid levels are measured by low pH values) v.2

Eating sweet foods produces acid in the mouth, which can cause tooth decay. (High acid levels are measured by low pH values) v. 2
The provided line graph shows the acid level of our mouth which is created by the consumption of fruit sugar, cane sugar & honey and compares their effects on our tooth decay. When the pH level in the mouth is above 5. 5, acidity remains at such a level that teeth are unlikely to be in danger from decay. Sweet foods, however, cause pH in the mouth to drop for a time, and the longer the pH levels remain below 5. 5, the greater the possibility for decay to occur. The illustration compares the fruit sugar, cane sugar and honey, which are the most common ingredients of sweet foods, causes the pH level to drop below the danger level after 5 minutes. Among these 3 sweet items, cane sugar decreases the pH level most quickly and causes to remain the level under the danger level for the longest period (over 30 minutes) and thus produce the greatest risk among the three. After consuming the cane sugar, the pH level drops to level 3. 5 and remains there for over half an hour. On the other hand, fruit sugar causes the acidity level of mouth to fall under pH level 4 in 5 minutes and remains under threat level for 20 minutes. Finally, the honey appears to be less risky among the three causes the pH level to drop to 4. 7 in 5 minutes and proceed to above pH 5. 5 level within 15 minutes of consumption. In conclusion, all of the sweet items possess the possibility of causing tooth decay and honey and fruit sugar are likely to cause less decay than the cane sugar does.
The provided line graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the acid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mouth
which
is created
by the consumption of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
& honey and compares their effects on our tooth decay.

“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
the pH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mouth
is above 5. 5, acidity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remains
at such a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
that teeth are unlikely to be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decay
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Sweet
foods,
however
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
pH in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mouth
to drop for a time, and the longer the pH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
below 5. 5, the greater the possibility for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decay
to occur. The illustration compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and honey, which are the most common ingredients of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
foods,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the pH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to drop below the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
after 5 minutes.

Among these 3
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sweet
items,
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cane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
decreases the pH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
most
quickly
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remain
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
under the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
for the longest period (over 30 minutes) and
thus
produce the greatest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
among the three. After consuming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, the pH
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level
drops to
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level
3. 5 and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
remains
there for over half an hour.
On the other hand
,
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fruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the acidity
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
mouth
to fall under pH
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level
4 in 5 minutes and
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remains
under threat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
for 20 minutes.
Finally
, the honey appears to be less risky among the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
the pH
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
to drop to 4. 7 in 5 minutes and proceed to above pH 5. 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
within 15 minutes of consumption.

In conclusion
,
Consider using "all the".
all of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sweet
items possess the possibility of causing tooth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decay
and honey and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
are likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cause
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
decay
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cane
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
does.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
57Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic Eating sweet foods produces acid in the mouth, which can cause tooth decay. (High acid levels are measured by low pH values) v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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