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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v.4

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 4
The given graph gives information on the number of leisure hours enjoyed by male and female with different employment status in an average week of the year 1998 and 1999. As is observed from the graph, the male had more free times than the female and employed people enjoyed less free hours than the unemployed or retired persons on an average. The line graph compares the amount of leisure time enjoyed by people with different employment statuses and also compares the leisure hours between men and women. In a typical week of 1998 - 1999, full-time employed men had more than 40 hours of leisure time compared to the 38 hours leisure time of women. Females with part-time jobs had 40 hours of free time which is 2 hours more than the full time employed woman which is natural considering the job natures. No data for part-time employed and house staying men were given in the illustration. On the other hand, unemployed and retired males had more than 80 hours of leisure time in a week while females of these 2 categories had around 78 hours of free time in a week. The amount of leisure time enjoyed by housewives was 50 hours which is less than the unemployed and retired females but higher that employed females. In summary, the graph depicts that the male had more leisure time to enjoy than the female possibly because of the females involvement in household works and people without jobs had almost double leisure times than the employed population.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
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graph
gives information on the number of
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leisure
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hours
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enjoyed
by male and
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female
with
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different
employment status in an average
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week
of the year 1998 and 1999. As
is observed
from the
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graph
, the male had more
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free
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times
than the
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female
and
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employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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enjoyed
less
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free
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hours
than the unemployed or retired persons on an average.

The line
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graph
compares the amount of
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leisure
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time
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enjoyed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment statuses and
also
compares the
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leisure
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hours
between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women. In a typical
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week
of
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
1998 - 1999
, full-time
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employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
had more than 40
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hours
of
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leisure
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time
compared to the 38
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hours
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leisure
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time
of women.
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Females
with part-time jobs had 40
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hours
of
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free
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time
which is 2
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hours
more than the full
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time
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employed
woman which is natural considering the job natures. No data for part-time
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employed
and
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house
staying
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were
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given
in the illustration.
On the other hand
, unemployed and retired
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males
had more than 80
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hours
of
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leisure
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time
in a
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week
while
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females
of these 2 categories had around 78
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hours
of
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free
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time
in a
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week
. The amount of
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leisure
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time
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enjoyed
by housewives was 50
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hours
which is less than the unemployed and retired
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females
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but
higher that
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employed
females.

In summary, the
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graph
depicts that the male had more
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leisure
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time
to enjoy than the
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female
possibly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "females'" or "female's"?
females
involvement in household works and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
without jobs had almost double
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
population.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
60Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 4

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
256 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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