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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v.2

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 2
The provided chart shows the number of leisure hours enjoyed by men and women in a typical week in 1998-99, according to gender and employment status. As is observed from the graph, the unemployed and retired men and women had more leisure time than the other type of people. Among the full-time employed people, men had about 45 hours of leisure time on an average per week compared to the 38 hours of leisure time for women. No data is given for the part-time employed men and women from this category enjoyed 40 hours of leisure time in a week. This figure is slightly more than the employed women perhaps because of their employment nature. Unemployed and retired people had the longest period of leisure activity both for men and women and men had a bit more hours than the women. As expected the retired and unemployed people enjoyed about 78 to 82 hours per week which is longer than people from other employment statuses. Lastly, housewives enjoyed approximately 50 hours of leisure time which is more than the employed women but less than the unemployed and retired women. The graph reflects that men had more leisure time from all employment statuses than women which indicates that women spent more time working at home than their male counterparts. The graph summarises that the male enjoyed more leisure time than women and employed people had less time for leisure activities than retired and unemployed people.
The provided chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
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enjoyed
by
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men
and
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women
in a typical
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week
in 1998-99, according to gender and
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employment
status. As
is observed
from the graph, the
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unemployed
and
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retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had more
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leisure
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time
than the other type of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Among the full-time
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employed
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people
,
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men
had about 45
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hours
of
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leisure
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time
on an average per
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week
compared to the 38
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hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
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time
for
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women
. No data is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for the part-time
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employed
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men
and
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women
from this category
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enjoyed
40
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hours
of
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leisure
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time
in a
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week
. This figure is
slightly
more than the
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employed
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women
perhaps
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
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employment
nature.

Unemployed and
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retired
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people
had the longest period of
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leisure
activity both for
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men
and
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women
and
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men
had a bit more
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hours
than the
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women
. As
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
the
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retired
and
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unemployed
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people
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enjoyed
about 78 to 82
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hours
per
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week
which is longer than
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people
from other
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employment
statuses.
Lastly
, housewives
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enjoyed
approximately 50
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hours
of
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leisure
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time
which is more than the
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employed
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women
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
less than the
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unemployed
and
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retired
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women
. The graph reflects that
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men
had more
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leisure
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time
from all
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employment
statuses than
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women
which indicates that
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women
spent more
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time
working at home than their male counterparts.

The graph
Possible spelling mistake. 'summarises' is British English.
summarises
that the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
78Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
244 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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