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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v.3

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 3
The graph compares the amount of leisure time enjoyed by people of different employment levels in a typical week in the year 1998-1999. In the given column graph, no data has been provided for the part-time employed and house-staying men. For rest of the cases, Men have more leisure time than women of the same category.   The highest amount of leisure hours is enjoyed by those, who are unemployed. Unemployed men had approximately 85 hours of spare time and women from the same category had about 83 hours. The retired people also enjoyed the same amount of leisure activities as did the unemployed men and women.   On the contrary, full-time employed men had a total of 40 hours leisure time compared to about 37 hours of women from the same status. Finally, women with part-time jobs had 40 hours to spend for their leisure activities and housewives had 50 hours leisure time per week. In conclusion, unemployed and retired people, both men and women enjoyed more leisure time than employed people and men compared to women had more time for leisure activities.
The graph compares the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment levels in a typical week in the year 1998-1999.

In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
column graph, no data has
been provided
for the part-time employed and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
-staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
. For rest of the cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Men
have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
of the same category.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
The highest amount of
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by those, who are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unemployed
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Unemployed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
had approximately 85
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hours
of spare
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time
and
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women
from the same category had about 83
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hours
. The retired
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people
also
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enjoyed
the same amount of
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leisure
activities as did the
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unemployed
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men
and
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women
.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
On the contrary
, full-time employed
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men
had a total of 40
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hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
compared to about 37
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
from the same status.
Finally
,
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women
with part-time jobs had 40
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hours
to spend for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities and housewives had 50
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hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
per week.

In conclusion
,
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unemployed
and retired
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people
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than employed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
had more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
activities.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
49Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
184 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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