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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v.6

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 6
The provided graph presents data on the amount of spare time both Males and Females from different employment status had enjoyed. The data available represents samples from the year 1998- 1999 and number of hours each gender spent on leisure. Firstly, it is seen that both genders from ‘Unemployed’ and ‘Retired’ status enjoyed more leisure time (75-85 hours) than all other employment nature. This is perhaps due to the ample time they had to spend on leisure instead of work hours. Secondly, it is observed that data for men employed part-time and men who stayed at home is not provided in the chart. Also, part-time employed females enjoyed fewer leisure hours (40 hours) than housewives (50hours) but slightly more than females with full-time jobs (35-39 hours). In conclusion, unemployed and retired categories of both genders enjoyed more leisure hours. However, in all the categories, males enjoyed more free hours than females did. No data was given for leisure time enjoyed by men who stayed home and men who worked part-time.
The provided graph presents
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data
on the amount of spare
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time
both Males and
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Females
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
employment status had
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enjoyed
. The
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data
available represents samples from the year
Consider using an n-dash (half dash), if you want to indicate numerical ranges or time ranges.
1998- 1999
and number of
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hours
each gender spent on leisure.

Firstly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that both genders from ‘Unemployed’ and ‘Retired’ status
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enjoyed
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
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time
(75-85
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hours)
than all other employment nature. This is perhaps due to the ample
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time
they had to spend on
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leisure
instead
of work hours.

Secondly
, it
is observed
that
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data
for
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men
employed part-time and
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men
who stayed at home is not provided in the chart.
Also
, part-time employed
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females
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enjoyed
fewer
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leisure
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hours
(40
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hours)
than housewives
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(50hours)
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
slightly
more than
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females
with full-time jobs (35-39 hours).

In conclusion
, unemployed and retired categories of both genders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
.
However
, in all the categories, males
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enjoyed
more free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
did. No
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data
was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
enjoyed
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who stayed home and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
who worked part-time.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 6

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
170 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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