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The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v.5

The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 5
The bar chart compares the leisure hours enjoyed by male and female based on the employment status during the year 1998 to 1999. It is clearly evident from the graph that female in all respective of employment status enjoys time killing when compared to male. Men and women, who are unemployed and retired, spent more leisure hours when compared to employed people. Unemployed males (85 hours per week) and females (78 hours per week) only show a slight difference in hours spent for leisure time. Similarly, retired employees (male75 hours per week, female 82 hours per week) spent almost same leisure hour irrespective of gender. In contrast, the number of leisure hour spent by employed males is 42 hour weekly and by female employees, this was around 40 hours per week. Housewives spent almost 10 hours more than employed females (50 hours per week). Overall, the bar chart shows the number of leisure hours spent during retirement and unemployment is high when compared to employment period. In addition, males enjoy more leisure hours per week when compared to females.
The bar chart compares the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
enjoyed by male and
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female
based on the employment status during the year 1998 to 1999.

It is
clearly
evident from the graph that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
in all respective of employment status enjoys time killing when compared to male.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Men
and women, who
are unemployed
and retired,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
when compared to employed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Unemployed
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males
(85
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week)
and
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females
(78
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week)
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a slight difference in
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hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
for
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leisure
time.
Similarly
, retired employees (male75
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hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
,
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female
82
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week)
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
almost same
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leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
irrespective of gender.

In contrast
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
by employed
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males
is 42
Possible agreement error. The noun 'hour' seems to be countable, so consider using: "hours".
hour
weekly and by
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female
employees, this was around 40
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hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
. Housewives
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spent
almost 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
more than employed
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females
(50
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per week).

Overall
, the bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spent
during retirement and unemployment is high when compared to employment period.
In addition
,
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males
enjoy more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
week
when compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the amount of leisure time enjoyed by men and women of different employment status. v. 5

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
179 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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