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The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1970 and 2000 in Someland. v.1

The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1970 and 2000 in Someland. v. 1
The given bar chart shows data on the number of male and female fitness members of Someland from 1970 to 2000. As is presented in the graph, the number of female fitness members increased over time but this number decreased for male fitness members. Initially, in 1970, there were more than 2000 male fitness members while there were only 1000 female fitness members. After 5 years the male fitness members' number increased to 4000 which was double compared to the 1970's total male number. The female fitness members also increased for this year and reached to 2000. But in 1980 the number for male decreased rapidly and reached to approximately 2500 while the number for female also decreased. Till 1995, these numbers fluctuated and in 1995, the male fitness members' number reached to the peak numbering 5000 in total. This year there were almost 2800 female fitness members in Someland. But finally, in 2000, the number of male and female fitness members dropped again and reached to 2000 for male and 1000 for female. In conclusion, the number of fitness member increased till 1995 and finally in 2000, the number reached to a similar pattern that was in 1970.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
data on the
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number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
from 1970 to 2000. As
is presented
in the graph, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
over time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
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number
decreased for male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
members.

Initially
, in 1970, there were more than 2000 male
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fitness
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members
while there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
1000
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
.
“After” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
After
5 years the male
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fitness
members'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
to 4000 which was double compared to the
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "1970s".
1970's
total male
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number
. The
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female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
also
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increased
for this year and
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reached
to 2000.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in 1980 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
for male decreased
rapidly
and
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reached
to approximately 2500 while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
also
decreased. Till 1995, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
numbers
fluctuated and in 1995, the male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
members'
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
to the peak numbering 5000 in total. This year there were almost 2800
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Someland
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
finally
, in 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of male and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
dropped again and
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reached
to 2000 for male and 1000 for female.

In conclusion
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increased
till 1995 and
finally
in 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reached
to a similar pattern that was in 1970.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
47Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS academic The chart below shows male and female fitness membership between 1970 and 2000 in Someland. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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