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The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged 15-24 in Canada in 2000. v.2

The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged 15-24 in Canada in 2000. v. 2
The column graph shows what young Canadian internet users did in 2000. Overall, email communication was their primary activity while social networking and online shopping were their second and third most preferred activities. As is presented in the graph, 41% Canadian male netizens between 15 and 24 years old used emails when they were online. 28% of these males used applications for social networking while 13% of them did online shopping. The remaining 9% young males were involved in other activities which are not explicitly mentioned in the illustration. Interestingly, a higher proportion of males were engaged in social networking than that of females from the same age group. On the contrary, a higher percentage of females in Canada who aged between 15 and 24 years old used the internet for conducting email communication in 2000 and their ratio was 48%; 7% higher than that of males. Approximately one in every five females did online purchases and that ratio was also higher than that of males. Precisely 18% of them were involved in other online activities.
The column graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
what young Canadian internet users did in 2000.
Overall
, email communication was their primary activity while social networking and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping were their second and third most preferred activities.

As
is presented
in the graph, 41% Canadian male netizens between 15 and 24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
emails when they were
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online
. 28% of these
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males
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
applications for social networking while 13% of them did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shopping. The remaining 9% young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were involved
in other activities which are not
explicitly
mentioned in the illustration.
Interestingly
, a higher proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
were engaged
in social networking than that of females from the same age group.

On the contrary
, a higher percentage of females in Canada who aged between 15 and 24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the internet for conducting email communication in 2000 and their ratio was 48%; 7% higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
. Approximately one in every five females did
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchases
and that ratio was
also
higher than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
Precisely
18% of them
were involved
in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
activities.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below shows the male and female internet users aged 15-24 in Canada in 2000. v. 2

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
176 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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