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The chart below show the percentage of of five kinds of book sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012 Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

The chart below show the percentage of of five kinds of book sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012
The given pie charts compare the popularity of five different sort of books according to the sales of a bookseller during the period of 1972 to 2012. Overall, the popularity of adult fiction book was escalated over the given period whereas, biography was performed the worst as per sales by seller from 1972 to 2012. In 1972, other type of books were the highest purchased by readers, which account for a quarter, while books based on travelling were the least popular (15%) among all type of books. Other three type of books namely - adult fiction, children' s fiction and biography books shared an equal proportion at two-fifth. In 1992, sales of biography and other books were decreased marginally by 5% and reached at 15% and 20% respectively. Adult fiction books, in contrast, witnessed an opposite trend and raised by 5%. However, the rate for travelling books and children' s fiction books were approximately two-fifth. In 2012, fiction books for adults and children covered the significant proportion, which constituted 45% and 25% respectively. Whereas, remaining books sold in minority fraction, made up at nearly one in ten percentage.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
pie charts compare the popularity of five
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
Possible agreement error. The noun 'sort' seems to be countable, so consider using: "sorts".
sort
of
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books
according to the sales of a bookseller during the period of 1972 to 2012.

Overall
, the popularity of adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
book
was escalated
over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
period whereas, biography
was performed
the worst as per sales by seller from 1972 to 2012.

In 1972, other type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were the highest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
by readers, which account for a quarter, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
based on travelling were the least popular (15%) among all type of
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books
. Other three type of
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books
namely
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
adult
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fiction
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
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fiction
and biography
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
shared an equal proportion at two-fifth.

In 1992, sales of biography and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were decreased
marginally
by 5% and reached at 15% and 20%
respectively
. Adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
,
in contrast
, witnessed an opposite trend and raised by 5%.
However
, the rate for travelling
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books
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
were approximately two-fifth.

In 2012,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fiction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for
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adults
and children covered the significant proportion, which constituted 45% and 25%
respectively
. Whereas, remaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
sold in minority fraction, made up at
nearly
one in ten percentage.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The chart below show the percentage of of five kinds of book sold by a bookseller between 1972 and 2012

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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