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The chart below show the average wages over of managerial and general staff and the profits of the company TRN between 2000 and 2003. v.2

The chart below show the average wages over of managerial and general staff and the profits of the company TRN between 2000 and 2003. v. 2
The graph provides information on the average salaries per week of the company TRN’s manager and general staff. In addition, the line graph depicts TRN’s financial gain from 2000 to 2003. Overall, it can be seen that from 2000 to 2003 the salary of those in managerial position are higher in comparison to the general employees and TRN’s profit has significantly increased from the said time period. The trend also shows that with the rise in the company’s sales, the salary of the employees increase. In 2000, the manager’s salary is almost twice higher than that of the general staff with approximately $1, 400 and $700 respectively. Similarly, in 2001, the same trend is shown with only a minimal rise in 2002. Managers average wage per week rocketed to almost $1, 800 while the regular employees remained just below $1, 000 margin. In the year 2003, the manager’s salary continuously rose reaching roughly $1, 900 while the staff consistently remained at $800. TRN’s financial gain started at $2 million in 2000 and has gradually increased in between 2000-2001. The profit has declined and fell back again at $2 million by the year 2001. After that year, the company’s profit has dramatically increased over the following years reaching approximately $4. 5 million in 2003.
The graph provides information on the average
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salaries
per week of the
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company
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TRN
’s
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manager
and general staff.
In addition
, the line graph depicts
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TRN
’s financial gain from 2000 to 2003.

Overall
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that from 2000 to 2003 the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
salary
of those in managerial position are higher
in comparison
to the general employees and
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TRN
’s profit has
significantly
increased from the said time period. The trend
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that with the rise in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s sales, the
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salary
of the employees increase.

In 2000, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manager’s
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salary
is almost twice higher than that of the general staff with approximately $1, 400 and $700
respectively
.
Similarly
, in 2001, the same trend
is shown
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a minimal rise in 2002.
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Managers
average wage per week rocketed to almost $1, 800 while the regular employees remained
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just
below $1, 000 margin. In the
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year
2003, the
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manager’s
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salary
continuously
rose reaching roughly $1, 900 while the staff
consistently
remained at $800.

Possible spelling mistake found.
TRN
’s financial gain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at $2 million in 2000 and has
gradually
increased in between 2000-2001. The profit has declined and fell back again at $2 million by the
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year
2001. After that
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year
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
’s profit has
dramatically
increased over the following years reaching approximately $4. 5 million in 2003.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
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IELTS academic The chart below show the average wages over of managerial and general staff and the profits of the company TRN between 2000 and 2003. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
213 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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