Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. v.2

Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. v. 2
Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. On the one hand, parents have always set an example on behaviors for their children, as children learn through imitating parents. Parents have raised children up since they were born and been closest to them, so children manners are good reflection of their parents. On the other hand, some people think that children should learn this at school. As school is an example of a society, it is better to learn in realistic situations. Moreover, teachers and especially schoolmates really make a huge impact on how a child behaves towards others as well as his parents do, because many children think that teachers and friends are always right. In my opinion, other home and school affect a child’s behaviors, as both are the places where he spends the most of his childhood in and that is the time when his characters are shaped. He doesn’t know what is right or wrong, the only thing he knows is to observe people around him and act like them. If parents, teachers and friends can form good members of the community, so will this child. In conclusion, I believe that parents and teachers should give children lessons on how to be a good person, as well as children should be in an environment in which everyone around them have positive influences on them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold a view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be taught
to be part community by their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, while others would argue that it is better for them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
this at school.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
have always set an example on behaviors for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
through imitating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
have raised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
up since they
were born
and been closest to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
manners are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reflection of their parents.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
this at school. As school is an example of a society, it is better to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
in realistic situations.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and
especially
schoolmates
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge impact on how a child behaves towards others
as well
as his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
do,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and friends are always right.

In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
home and school affect a child’s behaviors, as both are the places where he spends the most of his childhood in and
that is
the time when his characters
are shaped
. He doesn’t know what is right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing he knows is to observe
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
around him and act like them. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
and friends can form
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
members of the community,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
will this child.

In conclusion
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teachers
should give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
lessons on how to be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should be in an environment in which everyone around them have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
influences on them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS academic Many people hold a view that children should be taught to be part community by their parents, while others would argue that it is better for them to learn this at school. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
252 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts