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The chart below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009. v.2

The chart below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009. v. 2
The chart compare the percentages of the travelling reasons and the travel issues in a particular year in the US. It is clear that moving between workplace and home has the largest proportion of the travelling reasons. We can also see that the key issue for the travelling public is the price of travel. Looking at the first bar chart in more detail, the percentages of Americans going out for social/recreation and shopping are 10% and 16%, respectively. By contrast, working travel is by far the most popular reason of the US people, with nearly half of the US population. Nearly one fifth of Americans travel because of personal reasons, whereas only 6% of them visit friends/relatives. It can be seen that more than one third of the US population care about the issue of travelling price. While the proportions of Americans having concerns about the traffic congestion on motorway and the aggressive attitude of motorists are 14% and 17% respectively, the figure for safety concerns is slightly higher, at 19%. Finally, the figure for the concern about access to public transport is much lower, at 8% and only at 6% about space for pedestrians.
The chart compare the percentages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and the travel issues in a particular year in the US.

It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that moving between workplace and home has the largest proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. We can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the key issue for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
public is the price of travel.

Looking at the
first
bar chart in more detail, the percentages of Americans going out for social/recreation and shopping are 10% and 16%,
respectively
. By contrast, working travel is by far the most popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
of the US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, with
nearly
half of the US population.
Nearly
one fifth of Americans travel
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
, whereas
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
6% of them visit friends/relatives.

It can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that more than one third of the US population care about the issue of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
travelling
price. While the proportions of Americans having concerns about the traffic congestion on motorway and the aggressive attitude of motorists are 14% and 17%
respectively
, the figure for safety concerns is
slightly
higher, at 19%.
Finally
, the figure for the concern about access to public transport is much lower, at 8% and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at 6% about space for pedestrians.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The chart below show reasons for travel and the main issues for the travelling public in the US in 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
195 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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