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The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v.2

The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 2
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of British people raising money for charity by 5 different age groups in 2 years 1990 and 2010. In general, it can be seen that the while the percentage of British people donating money to charity decreased for all age groups, the opposite was true that for age group 51-61 and over 65. Besides, the proportion of contributors in the age group 18-25 was the smallest both 2 years. To begin with, the period between 1990 and 2010 witnessed a sharp decline in 18-25 donors of 10% from 17% in 1990. Age group 26-35 and over 65 had the similar figures for British people donating money to charity, approximately 32% each in 1990. Over the next 10 years saw a gradual decrease in donors of group 26-35 of 7% to 24%. In contrast, the figure for group over 65 slightly grew by 3% to 35% in 2010. Moving on, with regarding to remaining categories, the proportion of contributors in the age group 36-50 was the highest in 1990 at 42%, but later declined moderately to 35% in 2010. However, starting from 35% in 1910, the figure for 51-65 climbed slightly to reach the peak of 39% in 2000.
The bar chart illustrates the proportion of British
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people
raising money for charity by 5
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different
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age
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groups
in 2 years 1990 and 2010.

In general
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that the while the percentage of British
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
donating money to charity decreased for all
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age
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groups
, the opposite was true that for
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age
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group
51-61 and
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over
65.
Besides
, the proportion of contributors in the
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age
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group
18-25 was the smallest both 2 years.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the period between 1990 and 2010 witnessed a sharp decline in 18-25 donors of 10% from 17% in 1990.
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Age
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group
26-35 and
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over
65 had the similar figures for British
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people
donating money to charity, approximately 32% each in 1990.
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Over
the
next
10 years
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a gradual decrease in donors of
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group
26-35 of 7% to 24%.
In contrast
, the figure for
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group
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over
65
slightly
grew by 3% to 35% in 2010.

Moving on, with
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
remaining categories, the proportion of contributors in the
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age
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group
36-50 was the highest in 1990 at 42%,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
later declined
moderately
to 35% in 2010.
However
, starting from 35% in 1910, the figure for 51-65 climbed
slightly
to reach the peak of 39% in 2000.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The chart below gives information on the percentages of British people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
204 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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