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The chart above gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966 1986 and 2006 v.2

The chart above gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966 1986 and 2006 v. 2
The bar chart illustrates the age of females in Australia when they had their first child in 1966, 1986 and 2006. Overall, while group of women aged 25-30 was by far the most popular for giving birth, a reverse pattern can be seen to group of women who are over 40. In 1966, the percentage of females aged 19-24 held the lion’s share, at 62%, which was roughly twice as much as that of women aged under 19. Both figures then experienced a significant decrease, with 29% and 12% respectively in 2006. By contrast, in the year of 1966, the ratio of women aged 30-34 and 34-39 held low positions among all the factors surveyed, at 12% and 9% respectively. Luckily, they then gathered pace and witnessed an exponential growth in their percentage at the end of the survey. ( It is noted that the proportion of the former was much higher than that of the latter). Both the ratio of females aged 25-30 and over 40 experienced a fluctuating leapfrog. However, while the former held the runner-up (at 39%) in comparison with the others, the latter took up a minority of 4%, making it become the lowest point in the survey given.
The bar chart illustrates the age of females in Australia when they had their
first
child in 1966, 1986 and 2006.

Overall
, while group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
25-30 was by far the most popular for giving birth, a reverse pattern can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
to group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
who are over 40.

In 1966, the percentage of females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
19-24 held the lion’s share, at 62%, which was roughly twice as much as that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
under 19. Both figures then experienced a significant decrease, with 29% and 12%
respectively
in 2006.

By contrast, in the year of 1966, the ratio of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
30-34 and 34-39 held low positions among all the factors surveyed, at 12% and 9%
respectively
. Luckily, they then gathered pace and witnessed an exponential growth in their percentage at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the survey.
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
It
is noted
that the proportion of the former was much higher than that of the latter). Both the ratio of females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aged
25-30 and over 40 experienced a fluctuating leapfrog.
However
, while the former held the runner-up (at 39%)
in comparison
with the others, the latter took up a minority of 4%, making it become the lowest point in the survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The chart above gives information about the age of women in Australia when they gave birth to their first child in 1966 1986 and 2006 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
203 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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