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The cgar below shows the total number of minutes in billions of teephone calls in the UK divided into three categories from 1995 2002 v.2

The cgar below shows the total number of minutes in billions of teephone calls in the UK divided into three categories from 1995 2002 v. 2
The bar chart describes about the total amount of phone calls that used by British civilization over 7 year. This informations represent 3 different type of phones. It is obvious that Loacl-Fixed line was the famous type in UK throughout several years. However, mobiles calls wa the least popular compared the others. In 1995, UK people used local fixed line for more than 70 billions minutes and it started the highest usage between mobile phone an other fixed line. After a couple years, 3 different types rose gradually until 1999. In addition, local fixed line reached the maximum spent for 90 billion minutes in 1999. From 2000 to 2002 the 2 other less popular types (national and international fixed line and mobiles) trend were increasing when the local fixed line usage was gradually declining. At the end, mobiles calls was the most interesting type because it reached the biggest movement after 1999.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
about the total amount of phone calls that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by British civilization over 7 year.
Did you mean "these"?
This
The word 'informations' is a legal term. In standard English, the word 'information' is a non-count noun. Did you mean "information"?
informations
represent 3
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different
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type
of phones.

It is obvious that Loacl-
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Fixed
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line
was the
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famous
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type
in UK throughout several years.
However
, mobiles calls
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wa
the least popular compared the others.

In 1995, UK
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people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
local
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fixed
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line
for more than 70 billions minutes and it
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started
the highest usage between mobile phone
This word is normally spelled as one.
an other
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fixed
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line
. After a
Did you mean "couple of"? (In formal written English 'of' should follow 'couple'.)
couple
years, 3
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different
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types
rose
gradually
until 1999.
In addition
, local
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fixed
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line
reached the maximum spent for 90 billion minutes in 1999.

From 2000 to 2002 the 2 other less popular
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types
(national and international
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fixed
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line
and mobiles) trend were increasing when the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
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line
usage was
gradually
declining. At the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, mobiles calls was the most interesting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
type
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it reached the biggest movement after 1999.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The cgar below shows the total number of minutes in billions of teephone calls in the UK divided into three categories from 1995 2002 v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
152 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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