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The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australians men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australians men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The chart illustrates the rate of performing daily exercises, divided by gender at Australia in 2010. It is clear to see that female at the age of 45 to 54 appeared to be the most hard-worked, while the highest rate of men lay down at the group of under 25 years old. More specifically, the percentage of Australian men doing physical-related activities in 2010 at the range from 15 to 24 years old was 52. 8 percent. The working age saw a downward trend of doing activities, fell from the aforementioned peak to almost 40 percent, nearly one and a half time less. However, as getting closer to the retirement age, the rate increased significantly. In detail, the difference of nearly 10 percent was achieved, showing that when there was less work, men really kept an eye on their health. On the other hand, a hugely contrast trend happened to women. At the most efficient working age, women liked exercises. 53. 3 percent was the number in 2010. Though, both younger and older tended to did less, but not as clear as men. Only small fluctuations occurred, around 6%.
The chart illustrates the rate of performing daily exercises, divided by gender at Australia in 2010. It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that female at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 45 to 54 appeared to be the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-worked, while the highest rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
lay down at the group of under 25 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

More
specifically
, the percentage of Australian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
doing physical-related activities in 2010 at the range from 15 to 24 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
was 52. 8
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. The working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a downward trend of doing activities, fell from the aforementioned peak to almost 40
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
,
nearly
one and a half time less.
However
, as getting closer to the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, the rate increased
significantly
. In detail, the difference of
nearly
10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
was achieved
, showing that when there was less work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
an eye on their health.

On the other hand
, a
You used an adverb ('hugely') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('contrast') instead of another adjective.
hugely contrast
trend happened to women. At the most efficient working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, women liked exercises. 53. 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
was the number in 2010. Though, both younger and older tended to did less,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
men
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
fluctuations occurred, around 6%.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
12Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australians men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
189 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
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