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The bar graphs below show the Riverdale Public School’s spending per student in a year as well as percentages of students who passed the reading and math tests from 1990 to 2005. v.1

The bar graphs below show the Riverdale Public School’s spending per student in a year as well as percentages of students who passed the reading and math tests from 1990 to 2005. v. 1
The first bar graph shows yearly spending for each pupil in Riverdale public school from 1990 to 2010 while the second graph shows the percentages of students from the same school who passed in reading and math tests during the same period of time. As can be seen, yearly spending for each pupil in Riverdale School decreased over the time and the percentage of pupils who passed the tests has also dropped. According to the illustration, Riverdale school spent 12 thousand dollars for each student in 1990 and that was higher than the spending on per student in any other given year. The spending fell to around ten thousand dollars in the next year and it further dropped to nearly 9 thousand in 2000. After five years the amount spent decreased to precisely 8 thousand and finally in 2010, the school authority’s cost for each student was roughly 7 thousand dollar. The second bar graph shows that the percentages of students in Riverdale school who passed the reading and math test kept on declining over the time. In 1990, approximately 87% pupils passed these tests while in 2000 this percentage dropped to 85%. Finally, 82% secured their pass score in these tests in 2010 which was a 5% drop from the initial percentage of students who got the pass marks.
The
first
bar graph
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
yearly
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spending
for each
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pupil
in Riverdale public
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school
from 1990 to 2010 while the second graph
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shows
the
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percentages
of
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students
from the same
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school
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who
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passed
in reading and math
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tests
during the same period of time. As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
, yearly
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spending
for each
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pupil
in Riverdale
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School
decreased over the time and the
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percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passed
the
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tests
has
also
dropped.

According to the illustration, Riverdale
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school
spent 12 thousand dollars for each
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student
in 1990 and that was higher than the
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spending
on per
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student
in any other
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given
year. The
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spending
fell to around ten thousand dollars in the
next
year and it
further
dropped to
nearly
9 thousand in 2000. After five years the amount spent decreased to
precisely
8 thousand and
finally
in 2010, the
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school
authority’s cost for each
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student
was roughly 7 thousand
Possible agreement error. The noun 'dollar' seems to be countable, so consider using: "dollars".
dollar
.

The second bar graph
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shows
that the
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percentages
of
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students
in Riverdale
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passed
the reading and math
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test
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
on declining over the time. In 1990, approximately 87%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
passed
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tests
while in 2000 this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
dropped to 85%.
Finally
, 82% secured their pass score in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tests
in 2010 which was a 5% drop from the initial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percentage
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
the pass marks.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS academic The bar graphs below show the Riverdale Public School’s spending per student in a year as well as percentages of students who passed the reading and math tests from 1990 to 2005. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
220 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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