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The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy. v.1

The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy. v. 1
The bar graph indicates the expenditure ratio of the UAE government in education and healthcare between 1985 and 1993, whereas the line graph compares life expectancy and infant mortality rate in the UAE in 1970 with that of 1992. Overall, UAE administrator spent more ratio of their budget on education than they did on health care. The improvement Emiratis achieved to prevent child death cases was remarkable. As the bar chart suggests, the UAE administration spent one-tenth of their GDP in the health sector in 1985 and their spending on public health was roughly 2% lower than that. After 5 years, 14% of GDP went on education which was almost double than the expenditure in health division. Interestingly, the UAE authority spent less ratio of their GDP in public health in 1990 than they did in 1985 but it went up to 10% in 1993. The funds for education went as high as nearly 15% in 1993. The line graph delineates that Emiratis people’s life expectancy was 60 years in 1970 and it was extended to just over 70 years after two decades. Infant mortality rate, on the other hand, was quite high in 1970 (70 child death in every thousand) and it improved significantly during 22 years when it went as low as 20 per thousand.
The bar graph indicates the expenditure ratio of the UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
and healthcare between 1985 and 1993, whereas the line graph compares life expectancy and infant mortality rate in the UAE in 1970 with that of 1992.
Overall
, UAE administrator spent more ratio of their budget on
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education
than they did on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care. The improvement
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Emiratis
achieved to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
child death cases was remarkable.

As the bar chart suggests, the UAE administration spent one-tenth of their GDP in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
sector in 1985 and their spending on public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
was roughly 2% lower than that. After 5 years, 14% of GDP
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went
on
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education
which was almost
Use "doubler" to make a comparison with this adjective.
double
than the expenditure in
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health
division.
Interestingly
, the UAE authority spent less ratio of their GDP in public
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health
in 1990 than they did in 1985
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
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went
up to 10% in 1993. The funds for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
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went
as high as
nearly
15% in 1993.

The line graph delineates that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Emiratis
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life expectancy was 60 years in 1970 and it
was extended
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
over 70 years after two decades. Infant mortality rate,
on the other hand
, was quite high in 1970 (70 child death in every thousand) and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improved
significantly
during 22 years when it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
went
as low as 20 per thousand.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic The graphs below show the Expenditure on Health & Education, UAE as percentages of GDP and Infant mortality and life expectancy. v. 1

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
217 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
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  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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