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The bar graph shows the number of overseas students enrolled in the first year law course at a college. v.2

The bar graph shows the number of overseas students enrolled in the first year law course at a college. v. 2
The bar graph demonstrate the overseas students take admission according to the gender and in interesting field of law at college. Overall, what stand out from the graph is that while male students of Indonesia and Japan were respectively, shoot up. At this point, France students were tumble. With regarding to in Iran males and females students go down in labour law which are about 5 and 3 students respectively and next which who company law student approximately double. Additionally, in Philippines there are 3 males students and 1female are considerably intrusting in labour law and in the company law student dramatically changed. In contrast, Indonesia labour law student remainly same as well as females. But company law male students is shoot up. Turning to, in Japan males students are soar intrusting and females are approximately 5 students. However, France is a country which are no one female students of company law very decline students of labour law. Following this, total number of students steadily same and 3 students are reached at the final.
The bar graph demonstrate the overseas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
take admission according to the gender and in interesting field of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
at college.

Overall
, what stand out from the graph is that while male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of Indonesia and Japan were
respectively
, shoot up. At this point, France
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were
Consider using a past participle here: "tumbled".
tumble
.

With
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
in Iran
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go down in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
which are about 5 and 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
respectively
and
next
which who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
approximately double.
Additionally
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "in the Philippines".
in Philippines
there are 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
1female
are
considerably
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrusting
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
and in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
.
In contrast
, Indonesia
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
Possible spelling mistake found.
remainly
same
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
is shoot up.

Turning to, in Japan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are soar
Possible spelling mistake found.
intrusting
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
are approximately 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
However
, France is a country which are no one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
decline
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. Following this, total number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
steadily
same and 3
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
are reached
at the final.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
37Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar graph shows the number of overseas students enrolled in the first year law course at a college. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
174 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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