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The bar graph compares the amount of coffee and meat consumed each year by Norway, France, Germany, USA, Russia, China and Japan. v.2

The bar graph compares the amount of coffee and meat consumed each year by Norway, France, Germany, USA, Russia, China and Japan. v. 2
The given bar graph compares the quantity of coffee and meat (in kg per person) consumption by 7 countries. As it is clear from graph, coffee consumption is far less than meat in all countries. USA is having highest consumption of about 122 kg per person and closely followed by Germany with 87 kg per person. In Russia, Japan and China the meat consumption is less than 50 kg per person. France and Norway are having about 72 and 60 person per kg respectively. Norway is having highest coffee consumption rate of about 9 kg per person when compared to other countries, Germany is in second place with 7 kg per person consumption. All other countries having less than or equal to 5 kg per person consumption. To recapitulate, Meat consumed in larger amount in all countries and, while amount of coffee consumption is very much less.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
bar graph compares the quantity of
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coffee
and
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meat
(in kg per
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person)
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consumption
by 7 countries.

As it is
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clear
from graph,
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coffee
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consumption
is far
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less
than
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meat
in all
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countries
. USA is
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having
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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consumption
of about 122 kg per
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person
and
closely
followed by Germany with 87 kg per
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person
. In Russia, Japan and China the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
meat
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consumption
is
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less
than 50 kg per
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person
. France and Norway are
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having
about 72 and 60
Possible agreement error. The noun 'person' seems to be countable, so consider using: "people", "persons".
person
per kg
respectively
.

Norway is
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having
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
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coffee
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consumption
rate of about 9 kg per
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person
when compared to other
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countries
, Germany is in second place with 7 kg per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
. All other
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countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
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less
than or equal to 5 kg per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
consumption.

To recapitulate,
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Meat
consumed in larger amount in all
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countries
and, while amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
coffee
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
consumption
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
less
.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar graph compares the amount of coffee and meat consumed each year by Norway, France, Germany, USA, Russia, China and Japan. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
147 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
4.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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