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The bar chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK on three different types of phone call between 1995 and 2002. v.2

The bar chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK on three different types of phone call between 1995 and 2002. v. 2
The chart gives data about time spent by UK phone users between 1995 and 2002 in three types of telephone calls In terms of overall usage, local fixed lines were the most popular type, throughout the period shown. The lowest figures on the chart are for mobile calls, but this category also saw the most dramatic increase in user minutes. Regarding local fixed line, we see that consumption rose steadily from just over 70 billion minutes in 1995 to a peak of 90 billion minutes by 1999. Output then fell gradually, declining to around the initial 70 billion minutes mark in 2002. However, the pattern for national and international fixed line uses dramatic increased between 1995 and 2001, from around 35 billion to 60 billion. Similarly, the start level of mobile calls below 10 billion minutes, increasing to 45 billion minutes at year end. Overall, time spent with national and international fixed line calls increases during considered period. Likewise, the mobile phones figure, except in local fixed line calls.
The chart gives data about time spent by UK phone users between 1995 and 2002 in three types of telephone calls

In terms of
overall
usage, local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lines
were the most popular type, throughout the period shown. The lowest figures on the chart are for mobile
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calls
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this category
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
the most dramatic increase in user minutes.

Regarding local
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fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that consumption rose
steadily
from
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just
over 70
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billion
minutes in 1995 to a peak of 90
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billion
minutes by 1999. Output then fell
gradually
, declining to around the initial 70
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billion
minutes mark in 2002.

However
, the pattern for national and international
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fixed
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line
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
dramatic increased between 1995 and 2001, from around 35
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billion
to 60
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billion
.
Similarly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
level of mobile
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calls
below 10
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billion
minutes, increasing to 45
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billion
minutes at year
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Overall
, time spent with national and international
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fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
increases during considered period.
Likewise
, the mobile phones figure, except in local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fixed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
line
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS academic The bar chart compares the amount of time spent by people in the UK on three different types of phone call between 1995 and 2002. v. 2

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
169 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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