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The bar graph below shows the number of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011. Summarize the information by selecting and report in th main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The bar graph below shows the number of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011.
A glance at the bar chart given compares the proportion of students of both genders working on the research projects for six academic subjects. Generally speaking, more men than females studied on the above mentioned researches with some exceptions. Of the 6 subjects, male students dominated the research on 3 subjects (Mathematics, Programming and Engineering). The most significant students’ gender imbalance recorded in this chart was Mathematics, in which male students outnumbered females almost 5 to 1. Engineering and Programming, although with 50 less boys’ participation when compared to Maths, still leaded by males. Numbering at 150, count of male students of both subjects was twofold larger than females’. Moreover, it is interesting to note that there were subjects having number of girl students slightly exceeded boys’ - Linguistic. While around 110 girls students worked on this subject, 30 less boys, which equalled to 80, enrolled. Lastly, as for the remaining 2 subjects, Natural Science and Psychology, enrollment of students from both genders was comparable (about 200).
A glance at the bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
compares the proportion of
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students
of both genders working on the research projects for six academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
Generally
speaking, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
than females studied on the above mentioned researches with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions.

Of the 6
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subjects
, male
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students
dominated the research on 3
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subjects
(Mathematics, Programming and Engineering). The most significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students’
gender imbalance recorded in this chart was Mathematics, in which male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
outnumbered females almost 5 to 1. Engineering and Programming, although with 50
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun boys is countable.
less
boys’ participation when compared to
Possible spelling mistake. 'Maths' is British English.
Maths
,
still
leaded by
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males
. Numbering at 150, count of male
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students
of both
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subjects
was twofold larger than females’.

Moreover
, it is interesting to note that there were
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
having number of girl
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
slightly
exceeded boys’
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Linguistic. While around 110 girls
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students
worked on this
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subject
, 30
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun boys is countable.
less
boys, which equalled to 80, enrolled.
Lastly
, as for the remaining 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, Natural Science and Psychology, enrollment of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from both genders was comparable (about 200).
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic The bar graph below shows the number of male and female research students studying six subjects at a US university in 2011.

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
167 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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