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The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v.3

The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v. 3
The bar charts show data on the railway system in six European cities and the number of commuters these railways serve each year. A glance at the illustration, Paris railroad is the oldest and it has the longest route. On the other hand, Lisbon railway is the busiest railroad which serves over 1900 million passengers a year. According to the bar graph, Paris locomotive operation was established in 1863 which is the oldest among the given six cities and it now has the longest rail route, covering up above 390 km. Stockholm has the second largest rain tracks, about 200 km, and was established in 1900. Lisbon is another old railway system that was built in 1927 with more than 150 km of route. Rome, Madrid and Berlin railway systems were built after 1970 and among these three, Berlin is the latest that was built in 2001. Madrid has the smallest railway route with only 11 km. Again, Lisbon railway is used by more than 1900 million passengers per years which makes it the busiest railway. Stockholm and Paris have two other busy railway systems which are used by 1191 million and 775 million of travellers per year. Finally, Rome, Madrid and Berlin railroads are used by comparatively fewer commuters, bellow 100 million per year.
The bar charts
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show
data on the
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railway
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system
in six European cities and the number of commuters these
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railways
serve each
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year
. A glance at the illustration, Paris railroad is the oldest and it has the longest
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route
.
On the other hand
, Lisbon
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railway
is the busiest railroad which serves over 1900
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million
passengers a year.

According to the bar graph, Paris locomotive operation
was established
in 1863 which is the oldest among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
six cities and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
has the longest rail
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route
, covering up above 390 km. Stockholm has the second largest rain
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tracks
, about 200 km, and
was established
in 1900. Lisbon is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
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railway
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system
that
was built
in 1927 with more than 150 km of
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route
. Rome, Madrid and Berlin
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railway
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systems
were built
after 1970 and among these three, Berlin is the latest that
was built
in 2001. Madrid has the smallest
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railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
route
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11 km.

Again, Lisbon
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railway
is
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used
by more than 1900
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million
passengers per years which
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makes
it the busiest
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railway
. Stockholm and Paris have two other busy
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railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by 1191
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million
and 775
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million
of
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
per
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year
.
Finally
, Rome, Madrid and Berlin railroads are
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used
by
comparatively
fewer commuters, bellow 100
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million
per
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year
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
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IELTS academic The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v. 3

Academic
  American English
3 paragraphs
215 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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