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The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v.2

The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v. 2
The bar chart provides information on railway systems in six capital cities in Europe namely Paris, Stockholm, Lisbon, Rome, Madrid and Berlin. Generally speaking, Paris has the oldest and longest railway system while Lisbon train system receives the greatest number of passengers per year. As far as the ages are concerned, Paris railway system was established earlier than railway systems in other cities. It was launched in 1863 while the Stockholm railway, firstborn among the remaining five, was inaugurated in 1900. Lisbon, Rome and Madrid's railways were established in 1927, 1976 and 1981 respectively. The latest locomotive, among the given cities, started in 2001 in Berlin. In terms of the route sizes, Paris has by far the longest railway route - 394 kilometres. This route is nearly twice than the train routes built in Stockholm and more than thrice than the length of rail tracks in Rome. Madrid, in contrast, has the shortest rail route which is only 11 kilometres. Considering the number of passengers these railway systems receive each year, Lisbon stands the first position with 1927 million passengers per year. Paris, despite being the oldest railway system, receives 775 million people in a year while Madrid serves the smallest number of train commuters, which is 45 million a year.
The bar chart provides information on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
in six capital cities in Europe
namely
Paris, Stockholm, Lisbon, Rome, Madrid and Berlin.
Generally
speaking, Paris has the oldest and longest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
while Lisbon train
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
receives the greatest number of passengers per year.

As far as the ages
are concerned
, Paris
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
was established
earlier than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
in other cities. It
was launched
in 1863 while the Stockholm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
, firstborn among the remaining five,
was inaugurated
in 1900. Lisbon, Rome and Madrid's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railways
were established
in 1927, 1976 and 1981
respectively
. The latest locomotive, among the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
cities,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in 2001 in Berlin.

In terms of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
route
sizes, Paris has by far the longest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
route
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
394
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
. This
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route
is
nearly
Use "(twice)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
twice
than the train
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routes
built in Stockholm and more than thrice than the length of rail
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tracks
in Rome. Madrid,
in contrast
, has the shortest rail
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route
which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
11
Possible spelling mistake. 'kilometres' is British English.
kilometres
.

Considering the number of passengers these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
systems
receive each
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year
, Lisbon stands the
first
position with 1927 million passengers per
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
. Paris, despite being the oldest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
railway
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
system
, receives 775 million
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in a
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year
while Madrid serves the smallest number of train commuters, which is 45 million a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar charts below give information about the railway system in six cities in Europe. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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