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The bar chart belw shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. v.2

The bar chart belw shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. v. 2
The chart compares the cost paid for five aspects, including food, housing, transportation, health care, and clothing in 6 nations, United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in 2009. Overall, while the percentage of cost spent on housing and food were the highest, compared to other expenditures, the payment for health care and clothing accounted for a minority of rate. Look at the bar chart for more detail, it constituted of 26% on housing in United States, which was nearly twice as much as that of food, at 14%. The rate of expenditure on housing were relatively similar among four nations (United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan ), with 26%, 21%, 24%, 22% respectively. In terms of the cost spent on food, Japan topped the list with 23%, followed by the United Kingdom with 20%, and the last position belonged to United States with 14%. As can be seen in the chart, Canadian spend most income on transportation, with 20%. People in United States, the United Kingdom, and Japan paid at lower rates, with 17%, 15%, and 10%, respectively. Surprisingly, tt only costed below 7% for health care and clothing in all countries.
The chart compares the cost paid for five aspects, including
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food
, housing, transportation, health care, and clothing in 6 nations,
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United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
, Canada, the
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United
Kingdom, and
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Japan
in 2009.

Overall
, while the percentage of cost spent on housing and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
were the highest, compared to other expenditures, the payment for health care and clothing accounted for a minority of rate.

Look at the bar chart for more detail, it constituted of 26% on housing in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
, which was
nearly
twice as much as that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, at 14%. The rate of expenditure on housing were
relatively
similar among four nations
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
(United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
, Canada, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
Kingdom, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
, with 26%, 21%, 24%, 22%
respectively
. In terms of the cost spent on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
topped the list with 23%, followed by the
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United
Kingdom with 20%, and the last position belonged to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
with 14%.

As can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in the chart, Canadian spend most income on transportation, with 20%.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
States
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
United
Kingdom, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Japan
paid at lower rates, with 17%, 15%, and 10%,
respectively
.
Surprisingly
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
tt
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
costed below 7% for health care and clothing in all countries.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar chart belw shows shares of expenditures for five major categories in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and Japan in the year 2009. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
196 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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