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The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. v.2

The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008.
The bar chart shows total duration of telephone calls made in 3 different categories in Australia over the period of 8 years from 2001 to 2008. As we can see, In all the subsequent years australians used more local telephone calls than other calls. There was gradual increase from 2001 to 2005, where it started on 72 billion minutes and reached all time high of 90 billion minutes in 2005. But it showed a decrease in the use of local calls from 2006 onwards and ended up in the exact figure of 2001 in the end. Where as national and international calls witnessed a steady growth in terms of minutes. In 2001 Australians were only used 38 billion minutes of national and international calls, but the figures are doubled at the end of the period as 61 billion minutes in 2008. There was significant change in the use of mobile phone minutes. Initially it was very little as 2 billion minutes showed a upward trend in the usage trend till 2005. After that the figures went up suddenly to 23 billion minutes from 12 billion minutes in the previous year and ended up in 46 billion minutes in 2008.
The bar chart
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
total duration of telephone
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calls
made in 3
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different
categories in Australia over the period of 8 years from 2001 to 2008.

As we can
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see
, In all the subsequent years
Possible spelling mistake found.
australians
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used
more local telephone
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calls
than other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
. There was gradual increase from 2001 to 2005, where it
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started
on 72
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billion
minutes and reached
It appears that a hyphen is missing in the adjective "all-time"
all time
high of 90
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billion
minutes in 2005.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
a decrease in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of local
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calls
from 2006 onwards and ended up in the exact figure of 2001 in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

Did you mean "Whereas"?
Where as
national and international
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calls
witnessed a steady growth in terms of minutes. In 2001 Australians were
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only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
38
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billion
minutes of national and international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
calls
,
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but
the figures
are doubled
at the
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end
of the period as 61
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
minutes in 2008.

There was significant
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of mobile phone minutes.
Initially
it was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
as 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
minutes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
upward trend in the usage trend till 2005. After that the figures went up
suddenly
to 23
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
minutes from 12
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
minutes in the previous year and ended up in 46
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
billion
minutes in 2008.
0Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the total number of minutes (in billions) of telephone calls in Australia, divided into three categories, from 2001- 2008.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
199 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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