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The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. v.4

The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. v. 4
The diagram outlines how the ratio of senior male developers increased between 1980 and 2010 in three tech companies, namely IBM, Microsoft and Apple. Overall, the senior male developers’ ratio in IBM increased remarkably despite its lowest percentage of such developers in early years. As is presented in the bar chart, Apple had the highest ratio of males in senior development positions, roughly 15%, in 1980 whereas Microsoft employed nearly 7% such males in senior developer position. IBM, on the contrary, had only around 3% males in higher positions in the development sector, which was the lowest. After a decade, the ratio of such employees in these tech companies accounted for roughly 10-12%. Afterwards, the proportion of male developers in higher posts in IBM noticeably increased and in 2010 well over half of the employees in IBM were male developers. Apple, on the other hand, retained almost one-quarter of such employees while Microsoft’s male developers in leading positions went as high as 45% in 2010.
The diagram outlines how the
ratio
of
senior
male
developers
increased between 1980 and 2010 in three tech
companies
,
namely
IBM, Microsoft and Apple.
Overall
, the
senior
male
developers’
ratio
in IBM increased
remarkably
despite its lowest percentage of such
developers
in early years.

As
is presented
in the bar chart, Apple had the highest
ratio
of
males
in
senior
development
positions
, roughly 15%, in 1980 whereas Microsoft employed
nearly
7% such
males
in
senior
developer
position
. IBM,
on the contrary
, had
only
around 3%
males
in higher
positions
in the development sector, which was the lowest. After a decade, the
ratio
of such employees in these tech
companies
accounted for roughly 10-12%. Afterwards, the proportion of male
developers
in higher posts in IBM
noticeably
increased and in 2010 well over half of the employees in IBM were male
developers
. Apple,
on the other hand
, retained almost one-quarter of such employees while Microsoft’s male
developers
in leading
positions
went as high as 45% in 2010.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage participation of men in senior development in three companies between 1980 and the year 2010. v. 4

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
165 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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