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The bar chart below shows the percentage ofo unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and making comparisons where relevant. v.2

The bar chart below shows the percentage ofo unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.
A glance at the equipped bar charts reveals information about unemployment the rates of graduates by gender between 2008 and 2009 in a European country. On balance, the figure for both sexes followed a volatile pattern, and percentage of male unemployed was always higher than the female one during the period shown. In the beginning, the jobless rate of men was 10 percent, whereas that of women was only 7 percent. From January 2008 to July 2008, the figure for both genders saw a gradually to reach their minimum level, at around 5 percent; however, they rose dramatically up to three, even five times in the next three months. In January 2009, once again, the figure for both genders falled to nearly one-ten, but their trends had a disparity in the next period. From January to July 2009, the rates of unemployed men remained at the same level, at over 10 percent whereas that of unemployed women rose steadily to reach their bottom, at roughly 2 percent. Ultimately, the figure for both men and women climbed their peak at over 20 percent and nearly 15 percent, perspectively.
A glance at the equipped bar charts reveals information about unemployment the rates of graduates by gender between 2008 and 2009 in a European country.

On balance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for both sexes followed a volatile pattern, and percentage of male unemployed was always higher than the female one during the period shown.

In the beginning, the jobless rate of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
was 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
, whereas that of women was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
. From January 2008 to July 2008, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for both genders
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
a
gradually
to reach their minimum level, at around 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
;
however
, they rose
dramatically
up to three, even five times in the
next
three months.

In January 2009, once again, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for both genders
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "fell", the past tense form of the verb 'fall'?
falled
to
nearly
one-ten,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
their trends had a disparity in the
next
period. From January to July 2009, the rates of unemployed
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
remained at the same level, at over 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
whereas that of unemployed women rose
steadily
to reach their bottom, at roughly 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
.
Ultimately
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
for both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women climbed their peak at over 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
and
nearly
15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
percent
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
perspectively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic The bar chart below shows the percentage ofo unemployed graduates, aged 20-24, in one European country over a two-year period.

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
187 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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