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the bar chart below shows the most important causes of stress for different age groups in Canada Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.2

the bar chart below shows the most important causes of stress for different age groups in Canada
The bar chart illustrates the reasons why people from four age groups get stress in Canada. Overall, as people age, they are increasingly more likely to be worried about their health conditions and no specific reason, as opposed to financial and working problems which are deemed to be no longer a major concern for the Canadian later in life. Over 32% of the Canadian aged over 65 experienced stress resulting from no particular reason, accounting for the largest proportion by far. This most common stressor among the elderly was followed by health issues, with figures being 15% and 24%. By contrast, the two younger groups are less likely to be concerned about these problems below 7% of people between 25 and 54 years old and much higher figures of 10 and 16% of the 54-64-year-olds encounter. A majority of the youngest group are under pressure from work, with figure being 25%, which is 10% higher than the proportion for financial instability, the second common cause of stress. A similar pattern is seen among 55-64-year-old people, with figures being considerably smaller at 15% and 14% respectively.
The bar chart illustrates the reasons why
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people
from four age groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in Canada.

Overall
, as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
age, they are
increasingly
more likely to
be worried
about their health conditions and no specific reason, as opposed to financial and working problems which
are deemed
to be no longer a major concern for the Canadian later in life.

Over 32% of the Canadian aged over 65 experienced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
resulting from no particular reason, accounting for the largest proportion by far. This most common stressor among the elderly
was followed
by health issues, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
being 15% and 24%. By contrast, the two younger groups are less likely to
be concerned
about these problems below 7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
between 25 and 54 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
and much higher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
of 10 and 16% of the 54-64-year-olds encounter.

A majority of the youngest group are under pressure from work, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figure
being 25%, which is 10% higher than the proportion for financial instability, the second common cause of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. A similar pattern is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
among 55-64-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
figures
being
considerably
smaller at 15% and 14%
respectively
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
As a hawk flieth not high with one wing, even so a man reacheth not to excellence with one tongue.
Roger Ascham

IELTS academic the bar chart below shows the most important causes of stress for different age groups in Canada

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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