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Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.4

Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. v. 4
It is thought by some that harmful types of sport ought to be prevented while there are others who argue that people should have an opportunity to choose what they want to do by themselves. In my opinion, although dangerous sport helps to build endurance and make money, I believe that it should be banned, as it is harmful for sport member’s health and influence badly to young generation. On the one hand, it is often thought by many people that dangerous sport should be prohibited due to harmful consequences for people’s health and I agree. People might be seriously injured when they enrolled in dangerous sport activities and more their lives can be threatened by death. For example, two young men died during their trip to the peak of the Everest Mountain, rescuers could not approach them in order to save their lives due to severe weather conditions. Another point to consider, is that different fight sport activities influence badly young people. Fight sports encourage people to the violence. On the other hand, according to some people going in for dangerous sport help people to be strong, hardy and disciplined, in addition, it can help to earn big amount of money. For example, boxing helps people to build strong bodies and always be focused on their aims. In other word, in order to be successful in such sports, people have to work hard everyday and push up themselves to the limits it is beneficial for their future life. Furthermore, fighting sport activities may help people earn tremendous amount of money, as all sport clothes manufacturers pay them big money for advertising by wearing clothes with brand names. In conclusion, despite people have different views, I believe that we should avoid any dangerous sport activities as it has many dire consequences.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that harmful types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
while there are others who argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should have an opportunity to choose what they want to do by themselves. In my opinion, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to build endurance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, I believe that it should
be banned
, as it is harmful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
member’s health and influence
badly
to young generation.

On the one hand, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
should
be prohibited
due to harmful consequences for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might be
seriously
injured when they enrolled in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and more their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
can
be threatened
by death.
For example
, two young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
during their trip to the peak of the Everest Mountain, rescuers could not approach them in order to save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
due to severe weather conditions. Another point to consider, is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
influence
badly
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Fight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to the violence.

On the other hand
, according to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
going in for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to be strong, hardy and disciplined,
in addition
, it can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, boxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to build strong bodies and always
be focused
on their aims. In other word, in order to be successful in such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
and push up themselves to the limits it is beneficial for their future life.
Furthermore
, fighting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
may
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
earn tremendous amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, as all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
clothes manufacturers pay them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for advertising by wearing clothes with brand names.

In conclusion
, despite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views, I believe that we should avoid any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
as it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
dire consequences.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS academic Some people think that dangerous sports should be banned, while others think people should be free to choose. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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