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The bar chart below provides information about the top ten rice producing countries in the world in 2015. v.1

The bar chart below provides information about the top ten rice producing countries in the world in 2015. v. 1
The bar graph lists down the global top ten rice producing countries in 2015 in a chronological order and the production is given in thousand tons. Overall, China and India crowned the top two positions while Japan ended on the tenth. It is evident that China produced the highest quantity of rice in 2015 and topped the global list of rice producing nations with its over 140 million tons rice assembly. The second top position was held by India with over 100 million tons. Indonesia and Bangladesh grew around 35 million tons and occupied the third and fourth places respectively in this list. It is worth noticing that China and India cumulatively produced far more rice than the rest of the countries did in 2015. Vietnam’s production stood at nearly 28 million tons, which was almost half of Indonesia’s production in this year. Each country - Thailand, Burma, the Philippines, Brazil and Japan - yielded less than 20 million tons, though Thailand’s production was higher than the subsequent countries. Finally, Brazil and Japan’s rice production were the lowest among the listed countries with around 10 million tons each.
The bar graph lists down the global top ten
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rice
producing
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countries
in 2015 in a chronological order and the
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production
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
in
Use "a thousand" or use a number before 'thousand'.
thousand
tons.
Overall
, China and India crowned the top two positions while Japan ended on the tenth.

It is evident that China produced the highest quantity of
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rice
in 2015 and topped the global list of
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rice
producing nations with its over 140
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million
tons
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rice
assembly. The second top position
was held
by India with over 100
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million
tons. Indonesia and Bangladesh grew around 35
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million
tons and occupied the third and fourth places
respectively
in this list. It is worth noticing that China and India
cumulatively
produced far more
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rice
than the rest of the
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countries
did in 2015. Vietnam’s
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production
stood at
nearly
28
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million
tons, which was almost half of Indonesia’s
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production
in this year. Each
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country
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Thailand, Burma, the Philippines, Brazil and Japan
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-
yielded less than 20
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million
tons, though Thailand’s
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production
was higher than the subsequent
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countries
.
Finally
, Brazil and Japan’s
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rice
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production
were the lowest among the listed
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countries
with around 10
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million
tons each.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
22Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar chart below provides information about the top ten rice producing countries in the world in 2015. v. 1

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
188 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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    Include an introduction and conclusion
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
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    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
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    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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