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The bar chart below illustrates the use of tobacco products by secondary school students in the United States. v.2

The bar chart below illustrates the use of tobacco products by secondary school students in the United States. v. 2
A glance at the bar chart provided reveals the proportion of students using (thêm different types of) tobacco (thêm products) in high school and middle school. It is evident from the information that students in senior school had a much higher tobacco consumption compared to middle school ones. Any use was the most common type among both high school and middle school students with 35% and 13% respectively. The second most favoured product was Cigarettes, around 27% for senior schoolers. This figure was three times greater than that of middle schoolers. Further down the list was Cigars with roughly 7% for the younger group, but this doubled for the older students (15%). The remaining products including Smokeless, Pipes, Bidis and Kreteks were the less popular choice. Only around 3% of middle school pupils use them. Regarding the high school group, the percentage usage of Pipes, Bidis and Kreteks stood at within 5%, while that of Smokeless tobacco was slightly larger (7%).
A glance at the bar chart provided reveals the proportion of
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students
using (
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thêm
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different
types of) tobacco (
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thêm
products) in high
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school
and
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middle
school.

It is evident from the information that
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students
in senior
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school
had a much higher tobacco consumption compared to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
ones.

Any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
was the most common type among both high
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school
and
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middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
with 35% and 13%
respectively
. The second most
Possible spelling mistake. 'favoured' is British English.
favoured
product was Cigarettes, around 27% for senior schoolers. This figure was three times greater than that of
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middle
schoolers.
Further
down the list was Cigars with roughly 7% for the younger group,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this doubled for the older
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students
(15%).

The remaining products including Smokeless, Pipes,
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Bidis
and
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Kreteks
were the less popular choice.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
around 3% of
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middle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
pupils
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them. Regarding the high
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school
group, the percentage usage of Pipes,
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Bidis
and
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Kreteks
stood at within 5%, while that of Smokeless tobacco was
slightly
larger (7%).
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar chart below illustrates the use of tobacco products by secondary school students in the United States. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
161 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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