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The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012. v.2

The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012. v. 2
The chart represents how many British and international students studied a computer science major by its gender in the UK University from 2010 to 2012. Overall, there were more British students than that of international students studied for the computer science for the projected periods. Among them, there was more number of women than that of men. In terms of male students, about 40 British students studied a computer science, whereas 20 international students were in the UK University in 2010. By 2011, UK University experienced to have 25 students in a computer science major for both countries and it rose drastically to reach at about 42 British male students and close to 40 international male students by 2012. Meanwhile, there were higher British women students than that of international students studied the computer science throughout the projected periods. About 32 British students and close to 15 international students studied in the computer science in 2010. In the next two consecutive years, British female students rose significantly to close to 45 students while the number of international students increased constantly to end at 20 students.
The chart represents how
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
British and
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international
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students
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studied
a computer
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science
major by its gender in the UK University from 2010 to 2012.

Overall
, there were more British
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students
than that of
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international
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students
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studied
for the computer
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science
for the projected periods. Among them, there was more number of women than that of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
.

In terms of male
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students
, about 40 British
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students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studied
a computer
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science
, whereas 20
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international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were in the UK University in 2010. By 2011, UK University experienced to have 25
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students
in a computer
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science
major for both countries and it rose
drastically
to reach at about 42 British male
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students
and close to 40
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international
male
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students
by 2012.

Meanwhile, there were higher British women
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studied
the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
throughout the projected periods. About 32 British
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students
and close to 15
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studied
in the computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
science
in 2010. In the
next
two consecutive years, British female
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students
rose
significantly
to close to 45
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
while the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
international
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
increased
constantly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
at 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS academic The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
185 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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