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The bar chart below gives information about four countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012. v.4

The bar chart below gives information about four countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012. v. 4
The bar chart compares the consumer spending on six different items in four countries in 2012. A glance at the graph reveals that Brtish spent the highest amount for purchasing these consumer goods in 2012. As the data presents, in 2012, Spaniards spent exactly 150 thousand pound sterling to buy console games, which cost roughly 145 thousand for Belgian and Austrian consumers. Brits spent the highest amount on gaming consoles and it was over 165 million. For outdoor gaming accessories, English spent slightly more than that when Austrians spending was the least, 140 million. Furthermore, Books cost around 160 million for British and Austrians while it was 15 million less for Belgians. Besides, Toys cost equally to the citizens of Spain and Austria, 157 roughly, Spaniards spending on these items were somewhat close. It is worth noticing that, English consumers disbursed the highest amount on all these consumer goods and their maximum spending was for cameras, 170 million pound. Belgian consumers seem like spent the least and their major share of spending went on outdoor game accessories for which they paid 150 million. Finally, toys and cameras cost the highest for the customers in these countries in 2012.
The bar chart compares the
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consumer
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spending
on six
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different
items in four countries in 2012. A glance at the graph reveals that
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Brtish
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spent
the highest amount for purchasing these
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consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
in 2012.

As the data presents, in 2012, Spaniards
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spent
exactly 150 thousand pound sterling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
console games, which
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cost
roughly 145 thousand for Belgian and Austrian
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consumers
. Brits
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spent
the highest amount on gaming consoles and it was over 165
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million
. For outdoor gaming accessories, English
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spent
slightly
more than that when Austrians
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spending
was the least, 140 million.

Furthermore
, Books
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cost
around 160
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million
for British and Austrians while it was 15
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million
less for Belgians.
Besides
, Toys
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cost
equally
to the citizens of Spain and Austria, 157 roughly, Spaniards
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spending
on these items were somewhat close.

It is worth noticing that, English
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consumers
disbursed the highest amount on all these
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consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
and their maximum
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spending
was for cameras, 170
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million
Possible agreement error. The noun 'pound' seems to be countable, so consider using: "pounds".
pound
. Belgian
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consumers
seem like
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spent
the least and their major share of
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spending
went on outdoor game accessories for which they paid 150
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million
.
Finally
, toys and cameras
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cost
the highest for the customers in these countries in 2012.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS academic The bar chart below gives information about four countries spending habits of shopping on consumer goods in 2012. v. 4

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
198 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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