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The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion. v.1

The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion. v. 1
The pie chart shows the UAE government’s budget spending in different sectors in 2000. As is presented, the UAE government had AED 135 billion budget for the year 2000 and they used the highest amount for ensuring social security. According to the pie chart, the UAE administration allocated AED 100 billion in social security from their national budget of AED 315 billion. This single sector cost the UAE government almost one-third of the total budget. This year the government's expense was 53 million on health and personal social services, which was the second largest sector in terms of expenditure made by the UAE government. 38 million AED was spent on education while 23 billion both in debt and other expenditures. The government used 22 billion in Defence sector while 13 billion for the industry, employment and agriculture sectors. The lowest amount of money, only 9 billion, went to the transport sector. Finally, 15 billion of the budget was spent on housing and environment. In summary, UAE government's maximum spending went in social security and healthcare sectors while the least amounts were spent on transport, law and order, housing and industry/agriculture and employment sectors.
The pie chart
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shows
the UAE
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government’s
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budget
spending in
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different
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sectors
in 2000. As
is presented
, the UAE
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government
had AED 135
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billion
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budget
for the year
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
2000 and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
the highest amount for ensuring
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social
security.

According to the pie chart, the UAE administration allocated AED 100
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billion
in
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social
security from their national
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budget
of AED 315
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billion
. This single
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sector
cost the UAE
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government
almost one-third of the total
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budget
. This year the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's expense was 53 million on health and personal
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social
services, which was the second largest
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sector
in terms of expenditure made by the UAE
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government
. 38 million AED
was spent
on education while 23
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billion
both in debt and other expenditures.

The
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government
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used
22
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billion
in
Possible spelling mistake. 'Defence' is British English.
Defence
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sector
while 13
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billion
for the industry, employment and agriculture
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sectors
. The lowest amount of money,
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only
9
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billion
, went to the transport
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sector
.
Finally
, 15
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billion
of the
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budget
was spent
on housing and environment.

In summary, UAE
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's maximum spending went in
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social
security and healthcare
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sectors
while the least amounts
were spent
on transport, law and order, housing and industry/agriculture and employment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sectors
.
1Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS academic The pie chart gives information on UAE government spending in 2000. The total budget was AED 315 billion. v. 1

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
193 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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