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Task1 - 2: The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. v.2

Task1 - 2: The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. v. 2
The given table illustrates the proportions of cyclists among a town’s population in 2011 in accordance to 5 different age groups. Overall, for all surveyed age groups, the higher proportions always belong to women. In addition, bicycles were mostly risen by children who are under 9-year-old contrasting to the lowest figures for the age group of 40-59. First of all, while 51. 3% and 42. 2% were the figure for females who were younger than 9 and in the 10-17 age group, the figures for men were considerably lower with 50. 3% and 24. 6% respectively. There was a slightly decrease in the proportions for both genders when surveying 18-39 and 40-59 age group and this decline demonstrated by 17. 1%, 12. 3% for females and 9. 7%, 8. 0% for males accordingly. Furthermore, when implementing the statistic in the percentages of cyclists who were older than 60-year-old, the result showed that there were only 13. 2% of male population interested in cycling in comparison to a bit higher at 18% for females.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
table illustrates the proportions of cyclists among a town’s population in 2011 in accordance to 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups.

Overall
, for all surveyed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
, the higher proportions always belong to women.
In addition
, bicycles were
mostly
risen by children who are under 9-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
contrasting to the lowest figures for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 40-59.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, while 51. 3% and 42. 2% were the figure for females who were younger than 9 and in the 10-17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, the figures for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
were
considerably
lower with 50. 3% and 24. 6%
respectively
. There was a
You used an adverb ('slightly') instead of an adjective, or a noun ('decrease') instead of another adjective.
slightly decrease
in the proportions for both genders when surveying 18-39 and 40-59
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
and this decline demonstrated by 17. 1%, 12. 3% for females and 9. 7%, 8. 0% for males
accordingly
.

Furthermore
, when implementing the statistic in the percentages of cyclists who were older than 60-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, the result
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that there were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
13. 2% of male population interested in cycling
in comparison
to a bit higher at 18% for females.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS academic Task1 - 2: The table below shows the percentage of the population by age groups in one town who rode bicycles in 2011. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
173 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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