Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. v.2

The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. v. 2
The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. It is obvious that females were dominant in all ages in comprison with males. In addition, the percentage of people in the ages from 0 to 9 years old was in the majority. In the term of the 0-9 year-old group, both genders were quite equally represented at 51. 3% and 50. 3% respectively for female and male. At 42. 2%, the proportion of female people who cycled in the 10-17 age group was nearly twice as much as this of male ones represented at 24. 6%. Besides, the female cyclists in the group of 18-39 years old was 17. 1% which was about 7% as high as the male ones. In the term of the 40-59 year-old group, there was a decrease of around 4% in the percentage of female people who rode cycles compared with this of male people represented at 8%. For the group above 60 years old, female and male people using bicycles accounted for 18. 5% and 13. 2% respectively.
The chart illustrates the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
using bicycles in 5
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
groups
in 2011.

It is obvious that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
females
were dominant in all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
in
Possible spelling mistake found.
comprison
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
males
.
In addition
, the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
from 0 to 9 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
was in the majority.

In the term of the 0-9 year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, both genders were quite
equally
represented at 51. 3% and 50. 3%
respectively
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and male. At 42. 2%, the proportion of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cycled in the 10-17
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
was
nearly
twice as much as this of male ones represented at 24. 6%.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
cyclists in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
of 18-39 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
was 17. 1% which was about 7% as high as the male ones.

In the term of the 40-59 year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
, there was a decrease of around 4% in the percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who rode cycles compared with this of male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
represented at 8%. For the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
group
above 60 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
female
and male
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
using bicycles accounted for 18. 5% and 13. 2%
respectively
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS academic The chart illustrates the proportion of males and females using bicycles in 5 different age groups in 2011. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
183 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts