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Successful sports stars and glamorous film stars are a role model for youngsters. Do u support it or not? (Agree/Disagree) v.2

Successful sports stars and glamorous film stars are a role model for youngsters. Do u support it or not? (Agree/Disagree) v. 2
Our day to day life is surrounded by celebrities from different area like sports, film stars, politics. Teenagers are most influenced age and get attracted by good or bad deeds of their role models. We will discuss both positive and negative impact of choosing celebrities as role model in our society. To start, celebrities live in own glamour and rick life style which can not suit common man. Teen age is most adoptable age in which teenager try to follow their role model which some times parents can not afford. Some politicians get involved in wrong deeds which can be easily followed by young generation and take them in wrong path. Name of Sport persons also very common in betting and fixing which also influence young generation badly. On positive note, all celebrities are not involved in wrong deeds. Many celebrities are doing really well and can be followed as role model. In sports, Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar is very known name, who struggled in his early days but set a benchmark in cricketing world. Another example we can take of Nicole Kidman, who involved with UN and travels across world for awareness among people. With taking both positive and negative notes we can easily conclude all celebrities can not fit to become role models or eliminated to not become role models. Parents are also responsible to guide children and assess their choice for selecting their role models.
Our
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
life
is surrounded
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
area like sports, film stars, politics.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
are most influenced age and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
attracted by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
deeds of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
. We will discuss both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of choosing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
in our society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
glamour and rick life style which can not suit common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
.
This word is normally spelled as one.
Teen age
is
Did you mean "the most"?
most
adoptable age in which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenager
try to follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
times parents can not afford.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
politicians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deeds which can be
easily
followed by young generation and take them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path. Name of Sport persons
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common in betting and fixing which
also
influence young generation
badly
.

On
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
note, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are not involved in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
deeds.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
are doing
really
well and can
be followed
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
model
. In sports,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sachin
Ramesh
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tendulkar
is
Incorrect phrase. Use "very well-known" or "well-known" instead.
very known
name, who struggled in his early days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
set a benchmark in cricketing world. Another example we can take of Nicole
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kidman
, who involved with UN and travels across world for awareness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

With taking both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
notes we can
easily
conclude all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
can not fit to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
or eliminated to not become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
. Parents are
also
responsible to guide children and assess their choice for selecting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
role
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
models
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic Successful sports stars and glamorous film stars are a role model for youngsters. Do u support it or not? (Agree/Disagree) v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
237 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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