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Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. v. 2
Children are said to waste too much time which should have been spent all on outdoor activities and sports instead of story books. Personally, I believe that time ought to be arranged for both extracurricular activities and story books since each of them is beneficial to children. At the outset, comic trips bring children useful lessons from early age. Obviously, children' s books are often fairy tales where good, bad characters and magic details exist. Therefore, after each story, children will acknowledge and imitate right actions as well as criticize evil deeds. Moreover, reading story books has great influence on children' s future study. Specifically, on utilizing comic trips, the brain works constantly to imagine everything in the comic books, which makes the brain smarter and more sensitive. This is the vital key for infants to achieve success more easily. However, children are not capable of pushing ahead only by reading story books. They need to take part in outdoor activities and play sports, too. Besides developing thinking and mind, physical training is extremely significant. According to The Wall Street Journal ( WSJ) - a famous American newspaper, there are 3 out of every 5 children suffer obesity, which indicates that the overweight rate in children seems to rise. To keep fit, what they should do is engaging in daily activities. Besides, by means of participating in physical recreation, children will have chances to meet more types of people. As a result, they will be more skillful in behaving and get more friends. For instance, a child who regularly participates in physical activities will be able to deal with various situations as well as communicate with people twice as well as children who stay at house all day. To sum up, spending time on story books is not totally bad but time should be also used for outdoor activities. Only by this way, can infants develope comprehensively.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
are said
to waste too much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which should have
been spent
all on outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and sports
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
Personally
, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
ought to
be arranged
for both extracurricular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
since each of them is beneficial to children.

At the outset, comic trips bring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
useful lessons from early age.
Obviously
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
fairy tales where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
characters and magic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
exist.
Therefore
, after each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will acknowledge and imitate right actions
as well
as criticize evil deeds.
Moreover
, reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
has great influence on
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s future study.
Specifically
, on utilizing comic trips, the brain works
constantly
to imagine everything in the comic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the brain smarter and more sensitive. This is the vital key for infants to achieve success more
easily
.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not capable of pushing ahead
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
. They need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and play sports, too.
Besides
developing thinking and mind, physical training is
extremely
significant. According to The Wall Street Journal
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
WSJ)
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
American newspaper, there are 3 out of every 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
suffer obesity, which indicates that the overweight rate in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
seems to rise. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit, what they should do is engaging in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
Besides
, by means of participating in physical recreation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will have chances to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
more types of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
As a result
, they will be more skillful in behaving and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more friends.
For instance
, a child who
regularly
participates in physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
will be able to deal with various situations
as well
as communicate with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
twice
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who stay at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
all day.

To sum up, spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
story
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
is not
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
should be
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for outdoor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
by this way, can infants
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
comprehensively
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS academic Some people think that children who spend alot of time reading children's story books are wasting their time which could be better used doing other more useful activities. v. 2

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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