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Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.24

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 24
The world education system has changed dramatically. By the same token, people are arguing about the importance of subjects and art is becoming the focus. While a handful of people argue that art is useless, I believe that it plays a vital part in student ' s life. At the outset, it is said that art education is a waste of time. It is completely understandable. Obviously, at school, there are various subjects which allow students to find good job after graduation such as science, mathematics and so on. On the contrary, studying art seems not to help students have successful career. In fact, most students graduating from art university are more difficult to get stable jobs as they expected. Nonetheless, learning art is still necessary for students at school. Firstly, art education is a means of entertainment. After stressful lessons, pupils can find pleasure and comfort from singing, drawing or even sculpting. In other words, art is considered a magical therapy to cure depression and tension at remarkable level. Secondly, art helps people express their feelings better. Just by drawing a picture or singing a song, it is easy to guess whether a person is happy or not. Last but not least, art like dancing keeps human not only fit but also healthy. To sum up, I believe that art education is very significant. Therefore, this subject should be taught at every schools.
The world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
system has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
dramatically
. By the same token,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are arguing about the importance of subjects and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is becoming the focus. While a handful of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is useless, I believe that it plays a vital part in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
' s life.

At the outset, it
is said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a waste of time. It is completely understandable.
Obviously
, at school, there are various subjects which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job after graduation such as science, mathematics and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
On the contrary
, studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
seems not to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have successful career. In fact, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
graduating from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
university are more difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
stable jobs as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

Nonetheless, learning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is
still
necessary for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
at school.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is a means of entertainment. After stressful lessons, pupils can find pleasure and comfort from singing, drawing or even sculpting.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
is considered
a magical therapy to cure depression and tension at remarkable level.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
express their feelings better.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
by drawing a picture or singing a song, it is easy to guess whether a person is happy or not. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
like dancing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
human not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
fit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
healthy.

To sum up, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
art
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant.
Therefore
, this subject should
be taught
at every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "school"?
schools
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
Language comes first. It’s not that language grows out of consciousness, if you haven’t got language, you can’t be conscious.
Alan Moore

IELTS academic Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time. v. 24

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
234 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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