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Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree? v.7

Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. v. 7
For the last few years, children' s children’s development has been a very concerned problem. While parents are supposed to be responsible for their kid' s daily exercises so school time should not be wasted on sports lessons, I disagree with the above opinion. I believe that schools play the mót most significant role in instructing children to do physical exercises. At the outset, obviously, mother and father are people who love their children than anyone else. Therefore, they want to do everything for their kids including teaching them how to do physical exercises. However, they can not be always the best teachers in that field. To develope comprehensively, children should study from well-qualified teachers. Although, today, parents are able to learn about physical activities on YouTube, Facebook or take part in courses, sometimes, they may teach the their kids the wrong actions, which leads to the abnormal development of children. If schools spend time on sport lessons, children can improve their particular skills and necessary knowledge. According to the WSJ, a very famous newspaper of USA, most children who are taught sports by teachers at schools can develop better than children who are only taught by their parents. Moreover, sports help to improve children' s abilities to focus on their studies, remember lessons longer and practice better in life. Therefore, it is a not wasted of time to let children study the physical exercise in schools. Kids need to develop both their minds and their bodies at the same time. To sum up, the physical education in schools should need to be taught in schools. Children always need to learn the best directions and to have the best conditions and environments to grow up healthy.
For the last few years,
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
development has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
concerned problem. While parents
are supposed
to be responsible for their
Possible spelling mistake found.
kid&
#039; s daily exercises
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
time should not
be wasted
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
lessons, I disagree with the above opinion. I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
play the
Possible spelling mistake found.
mót
most significant role in instructing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises.

At the outset,
obviously
, mother and father are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
than anyone else.
Therefore
, they want to do everything for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
including teaching them how to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercises.
However
, they can not be always the best teachers in that field. To
Possible spelling mistake found.
develope
comprehensively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should study from well-qualified teachers. Although,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, parents are able to learn about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities on YouTube, Facebook or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in courses,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
, they may teach the their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
actions, which leads to the abnormal development of children.

If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
spend time on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
lessons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their particular
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and necessary knowledge. According to the WSJ, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
newspaper
A determiner is probably missing here: "of the USA".
of USA
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
are taught
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
by teachers at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
can develop better than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
taught by their parents.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s abilities to focus on their studies, remember lessons longer and practice better in life.
Therefore
, it is a not wasted of time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
study the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Kids
need to develop both their minds and their bodies at the same time.

To sum up, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should need to
be taught
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
always need to learn the best directions and to have the best conditions and environments to grow up healthy.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS academic Ensuring that children have regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lessons as part of the curriculum. v. 7

Academic
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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