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Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for the most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for the most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. v. 1
It is undisputed that achievements in the sports are the result of hard work, talent and strong commitment. Presently, some people opine that players and teams should be physically fit and vivid to accomplish a great success in the sports. On the contrary, others reckon that mentally fit players are relevant for the sports achievements. Here, I would like to account both views with my own perceptions. There are manifold points to endorse the former view. First and the foremost, players with sound physical fitness can make hundred percent endeavors for the victory of their team. To demonstrate, sport is like a work which needs a desperate movement of whole body parts, especially hands and legs. So, individuals should be stern enough to manifest their phenomenal performance. For instance, in the running competition, legs of players should be strong and compact to complete the race in a short period of time. Consequently, physical fitness of strong individuals is the most salient factor behind sports achievement. By contrast, others have conflicting views. They think mental attitude is the foundation to make an intense success. Without strong mentality and positive attitudes towards game, it is impossible to win. Taking a real life example in consideration, in the world cup 2018, Other world cup winning team Argentina could not make their place in the semi- final because of apathy and there were not mentally prepared. Therefore, mental attitude is an indispensable factor to win awards in the competitions. To recapitulate, undeniably, players should be physically fit to be in competitions. But, I think, mental attitudes with passions are needed to achieve goals.
It
is undisputed
that achievements in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are the result of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, talent and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
commitment.
Presently
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
and teams should be
physically
fit and vivid to accomplish a great success in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
On the contrary
, others reckon that mentally fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
are relevant for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
achievements. Here, I would like to account both views with my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perceptions.

There are manifold points to endorse the former view.
First
and the foremost,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
with sound physical fitness can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Use "a hundred" or use a number before 'hundred'.
hundred
percent endeavors for the victory of their team. To demonstrate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
is like a work which needs a desperate movement of whole body parts,
especially
hands and legs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, individuals should be stern
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to manifest their phenomenal performance.
For instance
, in the running competition, legs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
and compact to complete the race in a short period of time.
Consequently
, physical fitness of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
individuals is the most salient factor behind
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
achievement. By contrast, others have conflicting views.

They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
is the foundation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
an intense success. Without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strong
mentality and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
towards game, it is impossible to win. Taking a real life example in consideration, in the world cup 2018, Other world cup winning team Argentina could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their place in the semi- final
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of apathy and there were not mentally prepared.
Therefore
, mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitude
is an indispensable factor to win awards in the competitions.

To recapitulate,
undeniably
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
should be
physically
fit to be in competitions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, mental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
attitudes
with passions

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
are
needed to achieve goals.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
A new language is a new life.
Persian Proverb

IELTS academic Some people believe that physical fitness of strong individuals and teams is the reason for the most sports achievements. Others, however, think that mental attitude is more important. v. 1

Academic
  American English
5 paragraphs
269 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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