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The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web<strong>. </strong> v.2

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web<strong>. </strong> v. 2
The line graph compares visitors to two music websites which were recently launched online. In general, the number of visitors to these websites fluctuated but after day 11, both sites received a higher number of visitors. Besides, more people visited pop parade music site than they did to the music choice site. According to the diagram, pop parade music website was visited by 120 thousand people on the first day, whereas music choice got 40 thousand browsers on the same day. During the first week, pop parade’s visitor count showed an overall downward trend and on day seven both sites received roughly over 20 thousand visitors. However, overall visitors in the first week to the pop parade was significantly greater than that of music choice. Interestingly, visitors to pop parade site overwhelmingly increased after day 9 and it witnessed a great hike in the number of visitors on day 11 with around 150 thousand users. On this day, the other site was browsed by only over 20 thousand people. With a sharp dip on day 12 and 13, pop parade’s visitors went as high as 170 thousand on day 15. Music choice, on the contrary, accumulated the highest hits on day 12 and 14, which was around 120 thousand a day.
The line graph compares
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
websites which were recently launched online.
In general
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
to these websites fluctuated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
after day 11, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sites
received a higher number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
.
Besides
, more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
visited pop
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parade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
than they did to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
site.

According to the diagram, pop
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parade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
website
was visited
by 120 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
on the
first
day, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
40 thousand browsers on the same day. During the
first
week, pop
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parade’s
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visitor
count
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
an
overall
downward trend and on day seven both
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sites
received roughly over 20 thousand
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visitors
.
However
,
overall
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visitors
in the
first
week to the pop
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parade
was
significantly
greater than that of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
.
Interestingly
,
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visitors
to pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
overwhelmingly
increased after day 9 and it witnessed a great hike in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
on day 11 with around 150 thousand users. On this day, the other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
site
was browsed
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
over 20 thousand
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. With a sharp dip on day 12 and 13, pop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parade’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
visitors
went as high as 170 thousand on day 15.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Music
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choice
,
on the contrary
, accumulated the highest hits on day 12 and 14, which was around 120 thousand a day.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS academic The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web<strong>. </strong> v. 2

Academic
  American English
2 paragraphs
211 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • ?
    Include an introduction and conclusion
  • ?
    Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • ?
    Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • ?
    Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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